Grump Day -- Rainbow Roll

Back in October I had a this brilliant idea. I would start a periodic but regular feature here the the Fishwrap, the Rainbow Roll. Every so often I would do blog posts on a variety of topics, sort of like a sushi roll with a variety of fish all in one roll. It was such a brilliant idea, that I haven't made a single Rainbow Roll post since the Oct. 3, 2005, debut.

So, it's time to rectify that oversight with installment No. 2 of the Digital Fishwrap Rainbow Roll.

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I don't remember when I first heard it, but somewhere along the line, probably when I was a teen, I learned that Wednesday was Hump Day.

I don't know who first came up with this concept, but it was fucking brilliant. Much more brilliant than the Rainbow Roll blog post idea. Hump day is memorable, because everyone from school kids to working stiffs can related to getting over the "hump" and being well on the way to the weekend. Whoever came up with it was probably just looking for a reason to go out drinking on a Wednesday night after work. But the other thing Hump day has going for it is the obvious euphemism for sex. So maybe the creator was looking for a reason to get laid in the middle of the week. Who knows, but the phrase has stuck, thanks to tittering youngsters, horny individuals and sackers everywhere.

But for me, the meaning of Wednesday is changing. it has evolved from Hump Day to Grump Day, because I am becoming a short-fused grouchy fuck on Wednesdays.

Wednesday may not be the worse day of my week, but it is certainly my grumpiest day of the week. Perhaps it's because I reach a certain critical mass of of sleep-deprivation due to insomnia which doesn't mesh well with my current schedule. Yesterday was no different.

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I drive through several school zones on my way to work. And if I have the misfortune of leaving for work at the wrong time, I end up having to wait for a school bus at an intersection down the street from where I live. The bus loads up with about 4 billion small children from the apartment complex adjacent to the bus stop and the nearby neighborhood. Of course, grade school children take their sweet time boarding the bus. God help me if I'm in a hurry.

When that happens, I have to make up time en route, which means dodging crossing guards and more small children on the way to work. And of course the later I am the more likely I am to hit every red light, encounter a long line at Mickey D's making it an ordeal to get my Egg McMuffin and coffee, find the crossing guards escorting children through crosswalks and when the deities are really pissed off at me, there is unfailingly a train slowly traversing the railroad crossing that intersects my route.

Days I couldn't give a shit what time I get to work, the whole commute routine takes maybe 10 minutes counting McMuffin munching. On the bad days, the commute seems to take an eternity.
How many points would I get for taking out a crossing guard? Is there a bonus for snagging a rugrat by the backpack on my bumper?

***

I also regularly pass through another school zone on my normal route to lunch. Part of the reason I opted to name Wednesday "Grump Day" was due to something that happened on my way to lunch yesterday.

I was late going to lunch yesterday, a sign that all was not well with my day, putting me in a bit of a sour mood as it was. I was in a hurry, of course, but slowed to the requisite 20 mph through the school zone, which is normally devote of pedestrians during my lunch run. But on this day, I was shocked to find school children all over the fricking place, heading home.

It was 1:45 p.m.

What the fuck? Since when do kids get out of school, elementary school kids, get out of school at 1:45? And this was no early kindergarten class letting out. These kids looked to be from a rage of ages.

No child left behind, my ass. How are these little fuckers, mean treasures, supposed to learn a fucking thing if they are only in school about a minute and a half a day? Keep the brats in the classroom! Teach 'em somethin' for fuck sake! Worried about juvenile delinquency? No fucking wonder if the kids have three or four hours to find trouble in the afternoon before their parents can get home from work. Instead of giving kids 2-3 hours of homework a night, I have a novel idea. Why not keep them in school for a full day and let them do some work in class!?!? Shit-almighty! I'm using exclamation points and I hate fucking exclamation points!!

I can hear my teacher friends who read this blog screaming bloody murder right now. They can't wait to corner me to tell me how full of shit I am and how long their days are already and many hours they have to spend after the kids leave doing this thing and that thing and the other thing. Well, fuck that! Keep the kids in class. Grade papers while the kids are working on other papers or taking tests. Keep school children in school, keep school work in school and do your work in school and maybe our youth will learn something beyond all the sex, drugs, violence and swearing references in the latest rap song and how to cheat at their new Playstation or Xbox game.

When I was in school we were in class every day until 3:15 p.m. And we didn't have all these days off and half-days off for in-service. What the hell is in-service anyway? It's probably just a private party circle jerk for teachers.

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God help me, I'm starting to sound like my father. I can tell already I'm going to be a grumpy, grouchy old fuck!

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