Scared of the water, yet dying of thirst

I'm not sure I'm equipped to be in the dating pool in 2010.

In reality, I'm not anywhere near the pool. I'm sort of outside the fence, looking in at the water and daydreaming about floating on the waves, while still being scared shitless to get dunked under and drown.

I know I'm way past the bar scene, where I'd be more likely to come away with a hangover than a phone number. Friends have suggested I try an online dating service. I did finally create a profile on one of the sites, but I'm not getting much out of it. But then I'm not putting much into it either. It doesn't seem significantly better than the bar scene, with everything based on a first, visual impression and a few lines of small talk.

I don't know what all the factors are that create attraction, those tangible and intangible things that spark that chemical reaction. It just doesn't feel like I'm going to find it in an online profile.

As my daughter would say, I'm a serial monogamist. I also hate (fear) rejection. If I'm going to run the risk of being shot down, I only seem to be able to put myself out there if I have already developed interest in a woman. That doesn't mean I need to be in love, but I have to have a pretty strong and persistent crush, so the drive to spent time with the object of my desire overpowers the flight reflex.

One side effect of my financial plight has been that my world has gotten pretty small. I've become a homebody in an effort to keep my dollars in my wallet, but it's not very conducive to making friends and meeting new people. I'm not sure I have the money to spend on a relationship anyway. Not that every night has to be fancy dinners and extravagant dates. I learned the hard way a few years back that you can't buy love. But it sure doesn't hurt either.