24 squares down the line

These days, it seems I measure the passage of time more with a spreadsheet than with a calendar. The budget dictates everything.

Two years ago this month, I started down the path of getting out of debt. May 2010 was the first time in my life I put all my debts down on the page. It was the first time I looked critically at how much I made, how much I owed and what my minimum obligation was to each creditor for the month.

It was a bleak picture. I owed more money to creditors than the average one-person median household income for Oregon in 2010.

I could not keep my head above water some months. There was not much, if any, wiggle room. It was ridiculous. I was making too much money to be so broke.

Now, 2 years in, I have paid off almost half of that debt. I've paid more than $24,000 and zeroed out the balance with 6 creditors. I averaged paying off $1,000 a month in principal, which is pretty incredible, given that those first months the money was almost entirely eaten up by interest. My debt snowball barely qualified as a snowflake.

Unless fortunes change, for good or ill, there is still a bit more than a year and a half to go.

Some days -- the bad days -- it seems like I will never get there. I want to give up. I am tempted to give in and go back to spending money on credit. Every piece of footwear I have is tattered and most are so worn out they can't be worn out of the house, with holes in the soles and severe scuffs. My car is many months and many miles overdue for an oil change. I need things. I want things. I want a real vacation and a new iPod and, well, let's just say there is a whole list I've been compiling of things I want.

Other days -- the good days -- my spreadsheet shows me how far I've come. I can see that there are fewer days of debt ahead than behind. I am beyond the halfway point. I am actually looking forward to calling up Chase in a few month and canceling that account, which reamed me with its obscene interest rate. They won't be collecting much more interest from me. And never will again. That will feel so good. Perhaps only paying off the last debt will feel better.

Year 1 in my war on debt

It was one year ago this month that I finally sat down to figure out just how much debt I had accumulated and try to figure out if there was a way out. One year ago, I wasn't sure there was, but I knew I needed to do something. Figuring out how much I owed was the first step. The second step was trying to learn how to do a personal budget and live on it.

There have been ups and downs, and there is still a long ways to go. I figure it will still be about 3 years before I am debt free, depending on what twists and turns life takes between now and then. That still seems like an awfully long time, and it gets frustrating, but it is good to have a year's worth of numbers to see that I have made progress. It's the one, solid thing that keeps me going and keeps me working the plan.

Today, I just paid off my 5th debt. The first four were all small, under $1,000 each. But this one was my first significant debt paid completely. I thought I would feel much more excited about it than I do, but the truth is, having just sent off the biggest chunk of money I have paid at once on a bill has left me feeling a little big sick to my stomach. It hurt to pay that much.

This one is on a credit card account that has actually been closed for years. I don't remember why I closed it for sure, just that I was feeling abused by the company at the time. Yet I have been sending them monthly payments for years now anyway. But not after today. Today that debt is paid.

Over the last year, I've reduced my debt by about $11,000, nearly $4,000 of that on the debt paid off today.

My debt snowball is growing, and that's good. It's going to take a while to pay off the next lowest debt on the list though. It's this next stretch that may be the one that test my resolve to keep as aggressive on my payment plan. The next 6 debts are all bigger. My goal is to try to pay off one more by about the end of the year if I can.

I got a check in the mail this week from sale of some stock that I had. That's what allowed me to pay off the one debt and will allow me to pay a chunk toward the next debt on the list. But I have to admit, that having the most money I've had in the bank, perhaps ever in my adult life, makes it awfully tempting to go spend some money on something fun or buy some things that I could use, like some new clothes. I also don't know yet, what the tax implications of the stock sale will mean yet.

One year into this, I now realize the year went pretty fast and I'm proud of how well I've been able to remain focused on the plan. I've got a confidence now that I can get through this and can actually be debt free. But it's still hard to fathom how I can continue to live like this for three more years. It's not that I feel a need to use credit cards again. But the lifestyle dial back has certainly been painful. There hasn't been much "fun" over the last several years, even before I really had a plan I just knew I was in trouble and needed to cut expenses.

The Federal Reserve reported this week that consumers increased their credit spending in March and that credit card spending increased for only the second time since August 2008. I'm glad I'm not one of those increasing their personal debt. But I understand the desire to spend some money.

One year ago, I was still hoping for a miracle. I was still hoping someone or something would step in and save me financially. Now, I know, that this process of learning to manage my money, live on a budget and sacrifice over a long haul should all serve me well in making sure I never get myself back into a mess like this again.

Now that's recycling

I learned something interesting today. My ex, from the failed engagement that was a regular theme earlier in this blog's history, got married.

I wasn't sure how to feel about that. There was no twinge of pain, but I must admit I was curious, so I tried to learn a little more. All I really knew at the beginning of the search was that the ex's last name had changed. What I learned was that she and her new husband got married last month.

They apparently got married the same place we were going to get married. That didn't really surprise me. The ex told me that's where she always dreamed of getting married.

What did surprise me was that the ex and her new husband tied the knot the same month of the year we were going to get married. To be honest, I forgot what our wedding date was supposed to be, but I found the date documented in an old post on this blog.

Then I learned the date of her wedding. There it was, exactly 6 years to the day from the date we were going to get married. It cracked me up. I seriously laughed out loud. That was just too funny.

Perhaps the date had some other significance to her for which I am not aware or have since forgotten. I thought we picked that date because it was close to the date we had started dating. Now, I'm thinking something else may have been at play. But, regardless, I can't help but wonder if her husband knows the something borrowed may very well have been the wedding date.

Way to recycle! Sorry I didn't get you a gift. I wouldn't have, actually, even if I knew about the wedding beforehand. But thank you for the gift. You made me smile and gave me a helluva laugh.

Maybe this means the Terrible Twos are over

I knew it was coming up, but wasn't really thinking about it. But when I checked the date after work, I realized the date had already past -- the third-year anniversary of Digital Fishwrap.

It's not like it's one of the most significant dates on my calendar. There are holidays and birthdays and other people's anniversaries that are far more important. But if I were to be completely honest with myself, the start of this blog has been a significant factor in my life.

The blog got me writing again. It got me exploring feelings, even under the guise of ignoring them. I have enjoyed the exercise and ignored the obligation in turns. I've needed the release and needed the breaks too.

I was proud to write daily posts (sans Thanksgiving) for Novembers National Blog Posting Month. And I'm a little ashamed I've only written 6 (now 7) posts in the first 18 (now 19) days of this months. And I'm flat out disappointed that my Technorati rating has plummeted to a 1, even as I've gotten better at making posts and exploring new topics. I tell myself this was never about having a popular blog, but the very nature of a blog is to be public and get some feedback -- some interaction -- from other people. The problem is, I don't play the blogging game very well. I don't check other blogs sites religiously, like I once did, and leave comments on their posts to interact with them (and secretly hoping they would come check out my blog too and become regular readers).

So I guess I can live with the low ranking. Hell, I can even take it off the site completely I suppose (and just may). In the span of three years, there have been a lot of changes to the blog, including changes in jobs, cities and aspirations. It's not what it once was. It's more. And less.

Like a first love, it's special to me in a way no other web venture could be and like that first loved it has been a source of disappointment and unfulfilled potential due to naivete.

This blog is me, for better or worse, and I'm woven through it, as are all of you who take the time to read and especially those of you who have taken the time to comment.

I never really expected this experiment to last this long. It was a momentary diversion and a way to dabble into new and ever-changing technology. And now the moment has lasted three years.

Last year I didn't make note of the anniversary. I had no posts for the month of December at all. But two years ago I noted some of my favorite posts from my first year. Those are still probably among my favorites. The posts have been more infrequent in the last two years, but in honor of the third anniversary of Digital Fishwrap, here are dozen more posts I am proud of:

Parenting by MSN Messenger
An intimate birthday gift from Sheryl Crow
Now I do have to thump on Lance Armstrong
Do you think these guys vote?
My brown-eyed girl
I didn't shave my head for this
Oregon: Come for the natural beauty, stay for the majority Caucasian population
Prom corsages, birthday candles and hazard lights
They eat their young, and not so young
Grandma, I'm coming home
Life is decidedly not fair
Today, God cut the apron strings

Thanks for sharing part of the anniversary week here at the Fishwrap. And to other bloggers out there, thanks for being brave enough to share your opinions on issues and your experiences with others. And for those of you listed in the Blogroll in particular, thanks for sharing so much of yourselves with me over the years and inspiring me to want to be not just a better writer, but a better person.