Vision quest

It was not that long ago that I used to make a point of buying a lottery ticket every time one of the jackpots got big.

Sure, I knew I wouldn't win, but I could still dream, right? I justified the expense, even on weeks and months where I was stressed about finding a way to eat until the next pay day, by saying it I got days worth of daydreaming about what I would do if I won. It cost less than a movie ticket. Thus, the money seemed worth it.

Sometimes the dreams were grand, like buying homes for myself and family members, paying for my daughter's dream college education, setting my parents up for the retirement they deserve, and taking care of family members the best way I could. And of course I dreamed about toys. Lots and lots of toys. Cars, computers, TVs, electronics, cameras and vacations.

But on some of those tough months, it was hard to dream that big when I was consumed merely with trying to figure out how I could get the clothes I needed for work. Sometimes it was enough just to dream of winning one of the smaller drawings and getting some relief from the oppressive, paralyzing fear brought on by debt.

But tonight I had a new realization. I am no longer dreaming of some magic, quick fix to my problem. I was no longer fantasizing about what it would be like IF I somehow had money. I was merely daydreaming about what I look forward to doing WHEN I no longer have to pay so much of my salary for debt. It is amazing to think about and realize what I could do with the money I already make available to use for what I need and want, instead of paying of stuff bought years ago on credit out of convenience, or trying to buy the affection of family members who I rarely got to see, or due to lack of planning for large purchases.

The ability to do that is still a fair distance off. But I am growing more confident that I will one day get there. I am beginning to see it in my mind. It's not a daydream, but the visualization of what can, and will, one day be.