Price and value are not the same thing

I saw this March 3 Annie's Mailbox advice column today. I liked the advice Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar offered to "Perplexed in the Midwest," but people like "Perplexed" could use a little more information when choosing an engagement ring.

Perhaps it's not too romantic to think about the practical aspect of money when trying to buy a ring intended to tell the woman you love you want to spend the rest of your life with her. It's hard to put a price on that. But people need to know that jewelers do put a price on our sentiment and they inflate it far beyond its value.

That's where I take issue with Mitchell's and Sugar's advice to "Perplexed." They use the word "value" in their response. That's the wrong word. If you buy an engagement ring retail, whether it is diamond-jeweled or sports a simulated stone, the price you pay will only have a fractional relation to its financial value.

Depending on where you get your information, retail markup of jewelry, particularly in mall stores, is commonly 300 percent or more. I've written several posts on this blog (search engagement ring if you are curious) detailing the prolonged and financially frustrating process I went through to try to sell a ring a few years ago after a failed engagement. I'm not sure if I confessed that I got about one-fifth of the original price of the ring after it was sold on consignment.

So, if you are thinking of buying an engagement ring, don't be afraid to compare prices. You might also want to consider shopping at a store that specializes in estate or consignment jewelry.
Precious metals and jewels are expensive enough (have you seen the price of gold lately?). Do you really need to pay three, five, 10 times beyond what jewelry is really worth?

You can't put a price on love and no one who buys an engagement ring ever expects to have to recoup their costs. That's not what buying an engagement ring is about. But you don't have to pay hugely inflated markup for what will be an expensive purchase, no matter what. Making a smart purchasing choice will get you a far better value and leave more money in your pocket to start your life together on the best financial footing. It's hard to have happily ever after when you start off by pissing away, let's say, $5,000-plus for something that is really only worth about $1,000.

Mitchell and Sugar are right. A man shouldn't lie to his prospective bride about the type of stone in a ring. But prospective grooms shouldn't buy the lie that that ring in the shiny display case is really worth its obscenely bloated price tag. If she's worth spending 4 or 5 or 6 digits on, then shop around and get her 2 or 3 or 5 times the ring for the same price. You may find that cubic zirconium can transform into a diamond right in front of your wallet.

It's hard to fulfill unexpressed holiday wishes

So, is everyone ready for Christmas? I'm certainly not. I haven't even started my shopping. Fortunately, I only going to get gifts for immediate family this year. That's all that -- and probably more than -- I can afford.

I am not one of those people that's good at shopping for others. I need specific gift wish list ideas. If I have pre-approved options to choose from, I then feel a little more comfortable venturing off the list for some secondary gift of my own choosing, because at least I know I have something the recipient will like.

I sort of miss the days when my daughter was younger. There were distinct phases that provided gift ideas. There was a Disney princesses phase, a Barbie phase and a Harry Potter phase. There were years when all I needed were sizes and I could even feel comfortable and confident selecting clothes.

Now my daughter is 16. When we go clothes shopping now, my contribution is providing transportation and one -- or more -- credit cards.

I do know the stores she likes, or think I do, but knowing the fickle nature of teen tastes, maybe that has changed too. So, I supposed I could go the gift card route. While I love the practicality of that, it seems a tad impersonal for the person I most enjoy buying for doing things for.

I am far worse at buying things for my parents and brothers. I could chock it up to being out of the house for so many years, but I never knew what to get them when I lived with all of them either. And my dad is the hardest to shop for of all.

But buying gifts for my daughter, which has been so much fun over the years, has gotten me past the dread of gift buying/giving. I can, and sometimes do, actually enjoy gift buying sometimes. Of course, I find many more things that I think would be fun to receive as gift than things I'm sure will be good gifts for those I love. And my parents and I are so bad about admitting the things we want as gifts. When one of us ask, "So, what you do want for Christmas, the inevitable answer is always, "Oh, nothing." Or that other old chestnut, "I don't need anything."

But the thing with gifts, and a truly great gift (especially for adults) is not getting something you need, but getting something you want. We tend to buy ourselves the things we really need. What we don't tend to do is buy things we would like to have, if we had a little extra money to splurge on a little something for ourselves. That's a good gift. Why can't my parents (or me for that matter) provide a few hints at things that they would like?

The bad thing is, now my daughter is getting more coy when asked what she would like for Christmas. She used to be pretty good about putting a wish list together (and then providing me with a copy, which is pretty key to the whole success of the list). Apparently she inherited the "nothing" response gene, and it's kicked in at adolescence.

Poor kid, she inherited the freakiest things from my family. Fortunately, the looks she gets from her mother's side of the family.

So, I still need to get my shopping started, but I'm fairly confident my days of waiting until Christmas Eve to even start are behind me -- I think. We'll know for sure in the next few days.

Sometimes you just need a woman in your life

I need to rent a wife. No, not for THAT, but if THAT was part of the package, I wouldn't object.

No, I need some new clothes, and I need a shopping consultant. OK, maybe I don't need to rent a wife, maybe I just need a stylist. But a stylist sounds so, well, so not me. OK, so I've never been married so, maybe having a wife, rented or otherwise, isn't me either.

But I could use some help in picking out some new clothes. as much as anything, I need someone to make me try on the clothes I'm shopping for and someone to give me a candid opinion if things don't fit correctly.

I know what types of clothes I like and want, I just hate shopping and take a lot of shortcuts in the shopping process, I may try on one pair of slack or one shirt and then grab other clothes the same size, even if they are made by a different manufacturer, which may mean they won't fit the same.

Also, something odd overcomes me when I'm in a fitting room. I tend to go with slacks that are too long. I think it comes down to a fear of getting slacks that are too short and I'll end up parading around like the floodwaters are about to flow over the tops of my shoes. Jeans that are a bit too long works OK. Slacks that drag on the ground -- not such a good look.

Of course, wearing thread-bare shirts with worn-out collars and cuffs is not a good look either. Fortunately, I take full advantage of casual Fridays and wear jeans one day a week because I don't have slacks to span 5 days.

It's time for new clothes.

Maybe I can post an ad a rent-a-wife on craigslist.

Put a muzzle on that kid

I was reminded today about why I quit shopping at Wal-Mart.

I ventured out today to use a gift card I got for Christmas. The madhouse started in the parking lot. I thought my luck was pretty amazing when I found a parking spot right up near one of the entrance doors.

My shopping goals were modest. I needed some deodorant and through I might check to see if they carry the cologne I use. Beyond that I planned to check out the music and electronics department.

In the massive store, I found my brand of deodorant, but not the specific kind I like. I picked it up anyway. And I did find my cologne, but it was in a locked cabinet. After waiting around and walking around looking for a clerk who might be able to unlock the cabinet, I gave up and moved on.

I didn't see any CDs I wanted or needed. I didn't see much I wanted or needed. The only thing I did see a lot of were people. Lots and lots of people. People with a high number of screaming kids per capita. How in the hell can parents allow their children to scream, cry and throw tantrums when out in public?

I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I managed to find a few other things to purchase. I didn't quite use up the entire gift card amount though. There were 17 cents left on the card.

Odds are good that is 17 cents that will never get spent.

Nothing says I love you like...

Valentine's Day is just two days away, and corporate America is going it's best to help men and women, but mostly men I think, come up with that perfect romantic gift.

Of course there are ads on TV for diamonds, but not everyone has that kind of budget. I've heard radio and seen TV commercials for Vermont Teddy Bears as a romantic gift idea "for about the price of a dozen roses." Adam Carolla (of The Man Show and Crank Yankers) is pitching the cute and cuddly critters on TV. And on radio, George Noory, host of Coast to Coast AM is hawking the bears.

Based on those two pitchmen, I'm guessing the guys who will be sending those betters to their betrothed are guys who like pull-my-finger jokes or believe they've been visited by space aliens.

There as another interesting Valentine gift pitch on late night TV for pajamas from a company called PajamaGram. They were pitching comfy or sexy pajamas delivered in a nice little hat box.

Perhaps it is no surprise that PajamaGram is a sister company of the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. The marketing pitches, for very different products, were surprisingly similar, pitching a "unique" Valentine gift idea that if you order now can still be shipped in time for Monday delivery.

But the most unique gift idea comes from a division of McNeil-PPC, or the Personal Products Company. This is indeed a gift to be shared, but could also be enjoyed alone. Yes, that's right, it's KY Warming Liquid. And if you go to the Web site, you can get a free sample in time to melt your love's heart (or genitalia) for the holiday. You can also test your Valentine dating skills with a link to a Warm Up Date.

Nothing says I love you like a personal lubricant that gets hot when applied to intimate areas.

Is it getting warm in here, or did I just over do it with the free samples?

Valentine's Day
Romance