Struggling to do the right thing

I am dreaming of new toys.

I got my state tax refund and the federal refund should be arriving any day now.

I should put the money toward my debt. But I am really thinking about getting a new toy or two. Or three.

I have a new cell phone on my wish list. And my iPod battery won't hold a charge and the screen is going out.

Or maybe a new tablet of some sort would be in order, like a Kindle Fire. Maybe if I forgo all of those things I could even afford a new laptop.

Or maybe I could finally get a new camera.

So many possibilities.

I can almost justify it to myself. After all, I've got nearly 2 years of payments before I eliminate the debt completely. And the tax refund will probably only make a difference of about a month or so in the final payoff date. It's been so long since I've splurged on anything for me.

The refund is burning a hole in my bank account and it isn't even there yet.

I should pay on my debt. Should. Not sure I will though. I have been good. So good for so long. I'm not sure I can hold out until 2014.

And the blues play on

I don't visit bars as much as I did back in my 20s, or even my 30s, but there is something unbeatable about just the right bar.

Sometime I have a craving for a neighborhood hangout, a little hole in the wall spot where the bartenders and waitresses know your order and have your drink waiting for you by the time you reach your bar stool.

Other times, I have a craving for a sports bar, a place to hang out and grab a burger and a beer while watching a game.

But on some occasions, I really want a place with some high energy, a place that buzzes with electricity from the patrons and a band playing life music. In the months after I moved to Salem, whenever I would ask people I met where was the best place to go for nightlife in town, one of the names that inevitably cropped up was Lefty's Pizzeria and Blues Club.

It was my kind of joint, fitting many of my favorite tastes for food (pizza), beer (microbrews) and music -- in this case, blues.

Blues as been a favorite musical genre since college. Anyone with a taste for blues will tell you, there is nothing like hearing blues live, because like the music it inspired, jazz, musicians improvise during a performance, giving even classic blues songs their own fingerprint.

Unfortunately, I have not had listened to a lot of live blues. But now, living back in the Pacific Northwest, it seemed like I would get more opportunities to do so. Portland has a vibrant and respected blues scene and plays hose every year to the Waterfront Blues Festival. As I came to learn, Lefty's was considered by many one of the best blues venues for live music in the Northwest.

In my early explorations as an iPod owner, I discovered a podcast based out of Portland that talked about the Portland and Northwest blues scene and featured music from artists based here, or who have some connection to Portland and the Pacific Northwest. The podcast, PDX Bluescast, became an immediate favorite.

Sadly, the PDX Bluescast has not had a new episode in over a year now. And now this month came word that Lefty's had closed.

But the blues itself does not die. Just as the legends of the genre eventually pass on, the music itself is passed down to new generations of musicians. And fortunately, I have found a new place to satisfy my thirst for blues, but this one's based a little farther south -- south of the equator and across the Pacific to be precise. My new home for the blues, and the new podcast I turn to for a mix of classic blues and emerging voices is the Salty Dog Blues N Roots Podcast from Melbourne, Australia.

So thanks, Salty, for satisfying that craving, both salty and sweet, tangy and twangy, like a slice of pizza with pepperoni and pineapple and a liberal dose of Tabasco.

RIP Lefty's and the PDX Bluescast. You are missed, but we can all take comfort in the fact that the blues plays on.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

I'm nothing if not a follower. I've followed the crowd onto the poker craze bandwagon. I haven't become a fanatic about it, but I do occasionally enjoy watching television coverage of professional poker tournaments and play poker now and again online. I even checked out one of the local poker leagues in town once, but haven't made it back to play anymore live games. I like to play the game but am not willing, or able, to put real money where my cards are. At least not yet.

I am among the most amateur of amateurs. But I have won a couple of qualifying tournaments on Bravo TVs Celebrity Poker site. But when you when a qualifying tournament, like I did recently, you are prohibited from playing in their tournament again until the championship tournament, which is in January or something.

So, I signed up with a free online poker website, PokerStars.com, to play there. I signed up earlier today to play in a qualifying tournament for a tournament in the Bahamas. I didn't really expect much out of it, but a way to spend some time and perhaps learn a little more about the game from competing against other people -- across the web if not across the table.

The top 200 finishers qualify for the next round, but the tournament allowed 10,000 to register. So I didn't have any delusions of qualifying, but I hoped to finish "in the money," which required a finish of 1,250th or higher.

After a few hours of playing, I found myself still "sitting" at a virtual table with a stack of digital chips. And I made it into the money. Then I revised my goals to finish higher in the money. And then, eventually the top 200 was within reach. Then, there I was. In the top 200. And still playing.

I eventually made it to the final table of 10. Then the top 5.

I did not, however, win the tournament. But I did finish second. Second out of 10,000. Pretty fucking cool, if I say so myself!

So who else do you tell about an amazing finish in a virtual tournament, but your virtual friends on a blog.

In honor of the finish, here are 10 songs about (sort of about) poker/gambling/cards from my iPod.

Ride Gambler Ride -- Randy Newman
Viva Las Vegas -- ZZ Top
Ace in the Hole -- George Strait
From a Jack to a King -- Ricky Van Shelton
Aces -- Suzy Bogguss
Luck of the Draw -- Bonnie Raitt
Ace Up Your Pretty Sleeve -- Vince Gill
Desperado -- The Eagles
Good Run of Bad Luck -- Clint Black
Viva Las Vegas -- Elvis Presley

Sold my soul for a sawbuck

My morals are slipping.

Money has been tight lately. Very tight. Extremely tight. So tight that this week I found myself with my bank balances at zero. I've been raiding the coin jar to pay for food all week. Fortunately there was a stockpile of quarters in the jar from the days I was collecting them to use the coin-operated machine in the laundry room. The next option was to collect cans for the recycling deposit. One day this weekend my entire diet, lunch and dinner consisted of tortilla chips and salsa. Another day I ate one meal. I've skipped several meals in recent days because I have no food in the house and no funds to acquire any.

Yep, I'm broke.

I finally got some folding money back in my pocket last night after meeting a friend for dinner. We were each paying for our own meals. I paid with plastic and he used cash, so I picked up the tab and pocketed the cash.

I stopped off for dinner at a local fast-food place on my way home from work and handed the $10 I had left to the cashier. Obviously her head wasn't in the game because she handed me $15 back in change.

I thought for a spit second about whether to do the right thing and telling her that I had paid with a 10 and not a 20.

Then I remembered the zero balances on my bank statements and the fact that I still have a few meals to buy before I get paid and did the selfish thing. I pocked the money and drove off.

I know I should feel guilty. But Lord help me, I can't. The lack of cash -- and meals -- is affecting my judgment. My waistline can certainly afford for me to skip an occasional meal, but this has been ridiculous. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to eat and survive until payday.

***

On the theme of money, here are 10 songs about money from my iPod.

M-O-N-E-Y -- Lyle Lovett
What Do You Do For Money Honey -- AC/DC
Workin' Man's Dollar -- Chris LeDoux
Money for Nothing -- Dire Straits
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is -- JET
You Think I Ain't Worth a Dollar But I Feel Like a Millionaire -- Queens of the Stone Age
I Need Some Money -- John Lee Hooker
Life Is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back -- Meat Loaf
Can't Buy You Money -- Toby Keith
Last Dollar (Fly Away) -- Tim McGraw

Bonus track
Your Cash Ain't Nothin' But Trash -- Huey Lewis & The News

Warp engines are down and drifting on impulse

So, I know Einstein had a theory about how time moves slower or something if you are hauling ass at the speed of light. I can't say I really understand it. But I do know that time does some pretty freaky shit even when you are sitting on your ass on the couch.

When I was in college, young and impatient, a few weeks or months without any dating life seemed like an eternity. There were different classes every day, there was tons of stuff going on, it was hard to keep track of where I needed to be when, yet it seemed like school would never end and my real life would never get started.

Now that real life is sometimes all too real, time whizzes by in a numbing blur of sameness. Years pass far too quickly. In fact it's been more than 3 years since there has been a relationship involving any physical intimacy. Often if feels like the drought will never end.

Maybe I just have too much time to think about time. I just marked another birthday. My 42nd. For many people, the prospect of turning 40 is daunting. I didn't experience much mental trauma from reaching the Big Four-O. But 42, that's been a bit rougher to deal with. The reason is that my life just doesn't seem to have progressed in the last two-plus years. It's not just the relationship situation. It's finances. It's work. It's personal relationships with friends. It's everything.

It's nothing.

It's 42.

When I was younger I was impatient, impertinent and anxious. I had to learn to be patient. I had to learn to bite my tongue. Maybe I learned those things too well. I've been waiting for something. Waiting too long. spending too much time with my ass on a couch looking at TV and computer screens, monitoring others' lives instead of living my own. It's time to get something moving again.

It's time to shove this couch, this life, this ass, into warp speed. Time's a waisting. I need to speed up the motion and slow down the clock.

***
10 songs with time in the title from my iPod

The Longest Time -- Billy Joel
Wiser Time -- The Black Crowes
Dirty Life & Times -- Warren Zevon
Angry All the Time -- Tim McGraw
Roll Me Back In Time -- Sara Evans
Hard Times (No One Knows Better Than I) -- Ray Charles
Time Flies -- Puddle of Mudd
Time Stood Still -- Madonna
Good Times, Bad Times -- Led Zeppelin
Times Like These -- Foo Fighters
(Bonus track)
Wasted Time -- The Eagles

Who'll stop the rain?

The weather has turned chilly and gray, and it's put me in a bit of a funk. I'm not ready for the dreary, wet winter weather that will predominate the months between now and, um, June.

When I got home from work and running an errand, the heavy cloud cover made it look as if the sun was already setting for the day. That made me realize that daylight saving time would be ending soon, which has the double whammy effect of making the sun set earlier, plunging all the after-work hours into darkness and forcing a reset of the body clock to get up even an hour earlier in the morning.

It's damn hard to drag my ass out of bed when it's dark outside and cold inside at ungodly early hours of the morning. Fortunately, the time change won't kick in until November this year, but that's getting way too close for comfort. And I've actually been turning on the heat in the bathroom the last few morning to help fight off the chill and the urge to plunge back into bed underneath the covers and go into hibernation for the winter.

Perhaps the funk is made worse by the fact that I'll soon be marking another birthday. It doesn't feel like I've made much, if any, progress with my life in the last couple of years, so I could do without that milestone as a reminder.

Some people in this part of the country actually claim to like the winter weather here west of the Cascade Mountains, with all it's rain. Someone today even told me they enjoyed listening to the heavy rain that fell the other night. I did enjoy those occasional showers we would get when I was living in the desert. I loved the electric smell of rain after a long dry spell. Those showers were refreshing, rejuvenating and mercifully brief. But I honestly can't see how people can like the unrelenting rains -- the "liquid sunshine" -- for which this area is known. Maybe that's just something longtime residents here have to tell themselves in order to keep themselves from slitting their wrists every winter.

It may be time to warm up the old "songs about rain" 40-song playlist on the iPod.

Speaking of that, here's the top 5 most frequently play songs from my iPod from the rain playlist.

5. Rain on the Scarecrow -- John Mellencamp
4. Over the Rainbow -- Ray Charles and Johnny Mathis
3. If It's Gonna Rain -- George Strait
1 (tied) Rhythm of the Pourin' Rain -- Vince Gill w/ Bekka Bramlett
1. Something Sexy About the Rain -- Kenny Chesney

Music to blog to

I haven't posted for a while, because I've been spending most of my computer time trying to get my laptop back up and running and into shape. I was able to salvage my iTunes files from my iPod.

So now that iTunes is running again, I've been able to see what I've been missing the last few months. I decided to try out some of their new functions to share some details on the music I like and some of the stuff I've bought off iTunes. So now you all can see how warped my taste's really are.

Gateway to Hell (Part 5)

Well, I finally figured out why my e-mail wasn't working. I needed to install updates to my basic software. I forgot how long it takes to get a computer actually operational.

I was paying a bill online and trying to look at a statement, but there was no software on the computer for viewing pdf files. Not to mention having to set up all the website favorites for the websites I want and need to access.

What I have not done yet is try to figure out how to recover my music files from my iPod. I have gone so far as to look a bit at what my options are for doing that. Unfortunately, I don't know what software package to buy for this little deed. So, if you stumble on this blog and have ever had to recover music from your iPod due to a hard drive crash, I'd appreciate any advice, suggestions or warning you may have about the process and what software to use (or avoid).

Party tunes for the weekend

It's Friday, the weekend is here, so here's a little party shuffle to get the groove going.

Here's the first 5 party chemistry songs that come up in the shuffle in my iTunes library.

"Nobody Drinks Alone" -- Keith Urban, Be There
"Weed With Willie" -- Toby Keith, Shock 'N Yall
"One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" -- George Thorogood & The Destroyers (although I would recommend the original from John Lee Hooker too), The Baddest of George Thorogood & The Destroyers
"Have a Drink On Me" -- AC/DC, Back in Black
Six-Pack Summer" -- Phil Vassar, Greatest Hits, Vol. 1

P.S. Is it a bad thing that I have a booze-based playlist on my iPod?

Really feeling the music

I was talking about iPods and music in my last post. I know I'm not having this much fun with my iPod.



I'll never look at a woman sporting earbuds the same way ever again.

Oh, crap! I just had another thought. Remind me to confiscate my daughter's iPod.

Exploring the neighborhood

I needed to get out of the house. The walls felt like they were closing in. So Saturday I hit the road.

I decided to explore a little of the countryside of the Willamette Valley off the Interstate 5 corridor. So I headed for McMinnville and plugged the iPod into the car stereo. While on my Saturday drive I found myself also exploring a touch of the blues music scene of Portland and the Northwest by listening to a podcast I'd downloaded called PDX Bluescast.

I've long enjoyed blues music, but am far from an expert on the genre. I know enough about it to hear its influences in other musical genres like rock, country, jazz and, of course, R&B. But I don't have an extensive blues collection. And to be honest, other than the Waterfront Blues Festival, which I got a chance to attend a few years ago on a visit back to Oregon from California, I didn't realized that Portland had a major blues scene. I'm just dipping my toe into that water.

One of the things I like about the PDX Bluescast is that on the accompanying Web site, you don't have to write notes about the songs and musician you are hearing, because you can go back to the Web site and get those details. I've already discovered a couple of artists and albums I may want to check out. And I've learned that there is a blues song about the small Eastern Oregon town of Baker City. Who would have guessed?

I don't know if the PDX Bluescast site qualifies as a blog, but I've added it to my Blogroll anyway.
As for what I saw on my little road trip? Well, maybe that's a topic for another post.

iPod
Podcast
Blues music
PDX Bluescast

Coming to the really small screen

For many years I used to work a swing shift, so prime time episodic televisions was just not my things. Whatever the hot shows were in the early part of this century, I couldn't tell you because I didn't see them because I wasn't home.

Fortunately, that meant I never became part of the whole "Survivor" craze or any of the other plethora of reality TV shows that have become part of our country's pop culture identity. That doesn't mean I haven't seen an episode or two along the way, but I've never seen a whole season.

Thanks to cable and some innovative syndication deals I did become a fan of some shows like "NYPD Blue," "Law & Order" and "West Wing" because they were available at non-prime times on cable networks like A&E and Bravo. I could watch whole batches of seasons in a matter of weeks or months. Of course sometimes I was a season, or two or three behind the curve, but it was all new to me.

Now, I'm working a shift that allows me to be home for prime time viewing, but I my TV viewing habits have not really changed. I still tend to favor cable networks or premium movie channels over broadcast networks. There are some exceptions. I'm still a fan of "West Wing," now in its final season. "Desperate Housewives" has become a favorite. And "Boston Legal" and "Grey's Anatomy" are shows I try not to miss. But I certainly don't plan my week or my life around what's on TV on which days.

So why did I spend part of my evening tonight downloading a TV show to my iPod? I still haven't quite figured that out. When I bought my new iPod just a few short weeks ago I figured I would never use the video feature on the thing. I asked "Why would anyone want to watch a TV show or video on such a tiny screen?" And now here I am downloading a TV show.

But the price was right. It was free. I was tempted to download a few episodes of the classic Saturday morning public service announcements "Schoolhouse Rock." Remember that series? "Conjunction Junction, what's your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses." Or "I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill." But they wanted money for those and I didn't want to see them badly enough again to pay for them.

But NBC is doing something really interesting. They are releasing the pilot for their new series "Conviction" before the show even premieres on TV. You can download the episode for free through iTunes now and show doesn't broadcast until next Friday.

So, it remains to be seen if I will actually watch the episode on the really small screen of my iPod before the show debuts, or even if I will watch the show on the somewhat bigger screen of my television. But but the price was right. And my Friday nights are pretty dull these days. So, you never can tell.

iPod
iTunes
Television
Podcasts

Becoming one of the iPod people

I've finally joined the MP3-player age. Yes, I finally have an iPod. And I spent a good portion of the weekend loading CDs onto the computer and transferring them to my new toy.

For a long time I never even entertained the notion of buying any type of portable music player, because I didn't think I would get much use out if it. I'm not the type of person you really likes wearing headphones, or earphones, and listening to music. But after learning that it would be possible to play an iPod through my antiquated car stereo, which doesn't even have a CD player, I began to see the practicality of such an investment.

That sort of follows my pattern of technology purchases. I never been on the first wave of buying things like VCRs, CD players, DVD players and the like. I tend to wait to see if the newest technology is going to stick around a while and to see if the price will come down some before taking the plunge. And I probably could have got in on the latest wave with a less expensive player, but the folks at Mac and iPod have certainly established themselves as the state of the art.

So far, I've got enough music loaded onto the iPod to listen to music for three days. And over the weekend, while setting up the new toy I got an opportunity to listen to some music I haven't listened to for months, even years.

So, between that, a trip to Portland to see my daughter over the weekend, and some time talking with a dear friend out of state, that's why there haven't been any blog posts over the last few days.

Music
iPod
Blogging

Nourished by friends

There is something weird happening right now. My refrigerator is a little freaked out. It doesn't know what to do because there is actual food in it. Normally I just the fridge to store beverages and condiments. That's about it. I don't grocery shop very often.

But today I have food in there. Last night I spent the evening with some friends who invited me over for a cookout, and they sent me home with leftovers.

The food was great, and I'll have leftovers for days, but the best part is of course the time with good people. My friend, M's, husband is a Marine and has been back from Iraq for about a month, after being over there for a year. One of his friends and fellow officers was there along with his their kids and M and B's two kids, all girls. Two of the girls are close to my daughter's age.

One of the younger girls was so cute. She wanted to go out side were all the older girls were and needed to put her shoes. I happened to be walking through the house at the time and was the first adult she came across. So she asked me for help putting on her shoes, which I gladly did. And I learned something from this girl, who is probably about 5 maybe. I learned that being bald has some benefits. Because I won't ever have to worry about lice.

Let the children teach us.

I have to admit, I'm a pushover for little girls. No matter who they are, they remind me of my daughter when she was younger. And I've missed so much of my daughter's childhood. I look at them for signs of what I know of my daughter and signs for what I've missed.

But most of the evening was spent in adult conversation with the rest of the grownups. OK, a lot of it was a lot of military acronyms and I had no clue what B and his buddy were talking about. But B was cool and explained things for the naive civilian.

And I also got to peak into how other people use technology, which was cool. I still haven't joined the iPod generation, but i may be a step closer now. M and B and their kids had these things called iPod shuffles, which are mini versions of the iPod. Plug the little sucker right in to your computer's USB port, and load it up. Very cool. I don't need an iPod with as much memory as my computer hard drive, but a shuffle could have uses in my life.

B and his buddy also used little portable memory devices to share various computer files. They both had little jump drives, which also plug right in to a USB port. I'm not sure if I have a use for one of those at the moment, but it is definitely handier, and holds more memory than a floppy or Zip disk.

So, it just goes to show, that the best things about dinner with friends isn't the food, it's what you take away from the experience.

Friends
Food
iPod
Technology