As I sit down to write this, it is a mere few minutes away from the start of Thursday, Nov. 15, the date set aside by the American Cancer Society for their 31st Great American Smokeout.
In the past, I have attempted to kick my particular tobacco habit -- chewing tobacco -- during the Smokeout with some degree of success for the day, and subsequent days, But, obviously, I haven't kicked the habit.
I chronicled some of my struggle with demon nicotine when I tried quitting starting with the Smokeout two years ago.
The best success I've had with two previous attempts to quit chewing involved using nicotine gum. Unfortunately, the quit smoking aid is quite a bit more expensive than my $6 cans of shredded cancer-causing agent.
I would like to give it another try. But I'm not sure I'm up for joining the Smokeout this year by spitting out my chaw. My budget certainly isn't. I'm not sure if my willpower is either.
In fact, this weekend, when I was on my little road trip, I actually had a cigarette craving. So I picked up a pack of cigarettes. My car still smells like smoke.
Unfortunately, I'm still craving a cigarette.
I think if I was going to join the Smokeout this year I would know it by now. I'm just not sure. But to all of you out there who do your best to avoid tobacco today, I offer you my praise and congratulations. You are doing a great thing for yourself and your family. I know how difficult it can be to do without that crutch that has been a constant companion though good and bad times.
Tobacco, she's a sadistic mistress, but she's nothing if not loyal. She's always calling. Always beckoning. Always wanting your time and attention. That doesn't mean she deserves our loyalty, no matter how loudly she demands it!
Let me know if you kick the bitch to the curb.
Oh, wow, there was just a Nicorette commercial on TV. Is that supposed to be a hint?
Showing posts with label nicotine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nicotine. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Songs to freeze your ass off to
So, I'm such a genius. I decide with the the mercury barely above freezing, that it would be a good evening to take a walk to the store.
Yes, it's true, I'm not the brightest bulb in the box. That and I'm a helpless, hopeless nicotine addict.
But for most of the winter, I've also been an extremely lazy nicotine addict who drives a few blocks to go to the store and run other miscellaneous errands.
So for some reason, with the temperature somewhere in the mid 30s, I opt to save some fuel, wear and tear on my weary old vehicle and get a little exercise while on the way to pick up a carcinogen to rot my lip and eat away my gums.
Fucking misguided pinhead that I am.
Well, at least the walk, while listening to my iPod, gave me inspiration for a blog post.
I decided that in tribute to my other favorite Fishwrap blog, I would start a periodic feature here. Over at Friday Fishwrap, MJ regularly features what she calls "TGImp3F" or Thank God It's mp3 Friday. She does hers on Fridays (in case you couldn't put that together for yourself) and she posts several music files around some theme. She does a much better job of that than I can or will, but I like the idea. So I'm stealing it. Or part of it.
I love the shuffle feature on my iPod. I like the constant surprise about the next song that comes up. So, I thought I'd share a little insight into me and my mp3 player, by sharing a little 5-song party shuffle of what the next five song in my life will be.
So, without further adieu, here's a taste of a tribute to MJ, except it's Wednesday. If you have a favorite music service, feel free to track down the nutty assortment and load up your mp3 player with these if you like. At the very least, we'll have 5 songs in common.
So, here's the very first Digital Fishwrap shuffle in tribute to MJ and western Oregon's stereotypical winter weather phenomenon -- rain.
Songs about Rain -- Gary Allan
Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35 -- Bob Dylan
So. Central Rain (I'm Sorry) -- R.E.M.
Stormy Weather -- Etta James
Rhythm of the Pourin' Rain -- Vince Gill featuring Bekka Bramlett
Yes, it's true, I'm not the brightest bulb in the box. That and I'm a helpless, hopeless nicotine addict.
But for most of the winter, I've also been an extremely lazy nicotine addict who drives a few blocks to go to the store and run other miscellaneous errands.
So for some reason, with the temperature somewhere in the mid 30s, I opt to save some fuel, wear and tear on my weary old vehicle and get a little exercise while on the way to pick up a carcinogen to rot my lip and eat away my gums.
Fucking misguided pinhead that I am.
Well, at least the walk, while listening to my iPod, gave me inspiration for a blog post.
I decided that in tribute to my other favorite Fishwrap blog, I would start a periodic feature here. Over at Friday Fishwrap, MJ regularly features what she calls "TGImp3F" or Thank God It's mp3 Friday. She does hers on Fridays (in case you couldn't put that together for yourself) and she posts several music files around some theme. She does a much better job of that than I can or will, but I like the idea. So I'm stealing it. Or part of it.
I love the shuffle feature on my iPod. I like the constant surprise about the next song that comes up. So, I thought I'd share a little insight into me and my mp3 player, by sharing a little 5-song party shuffle of what the next five song in my life will be.
So, without further adieu, here's a taste of a tribute to MJ, except it's Wednesday. If you have a favorite music service, feel free to track down the nutty assortment and load up your mp3 player with these if you like. At the very least, we'll have 5 songs in common.
So, here's the very first Digital Fishwrap shuffle in tribute to MJ and western Oregon's stereotypical winter weather phenomenon -- rain.
Songs about Rain -- Gary Allan
Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35 -- Bob Dylan
So. Central Rain (I'm Sorry) -- R.E.M.
Stormy Weather -- Etta James
Rhythm of the Pourin' Rain -- Vince Gill featuring Bekka Bramlett
Thursday, February 09, 2006
It ended today and not in a good way
I quit quitting.
Yesterday I surrendered in my bid to kick the can. Tuesday night I bought a can of Copenhagen, and Wednesday morning I opened it and dipped into it.
Today was scheduled to be my last day on the gum, but in recent days I had fallen off the wagon. Saturday I had done so well. I think I had only 3 pieces of nicotine gum all day, with 6 hours in between pieces. I had planned to try to go 8 hours on Sunday. But Sunday my head was somewhere else and my will to continue was all but gone. I picked up a pack of cigarettes and worked my way through half a pack that day. The pack was gone by Monday and I got another pack.
I'm not sure how to explain why this happened. I'm not sure I even know. But I did make a conscious decision to give up on this bid to quit tobacco. I suppose I could try to justify my decision, explain my reasons, but the only thing I can really say is that when it was getting down to the wire I just couldn't visualize myself without some sort of nicotine crutch. At least not now. Not this week. Not today. My head just wasn't in the right place. My confidence in this, and so many other things, was/is gone.
I'm not proud of it. But I take responsibility for it.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on wanting to quit. This effort when much smoother, overall, than my last major quitting attempt. And I had done much better at weaning myself off the gum this time. Last time I was smacking nicotine gum for about 6 months and never really followed a program or reduced my usage. So at least this time I got my overall nicotine use down.
I will try again. And I won't wait so long to make the attempt next time. Maybe a month or two. But one thing I realized in all of this is I definitely need something else to focus some of my mental energy on to have a better chance at success. I need something to fill that hole.
Now if I only had a clue what that might be.
Quitting nicotine
Chewing tobacco
Yesterday I surrendered in my bid to kick the can. Tuesday night I bought a can of Copenhagen, and Wednesday morning I opened it and dipped into it.
Today was scheduled to be my last day on the gum, but in recent days I had fallen off the wagon. Saturday I had done so well. I think I had only 3 pieces of nicotine gum all day, with 6 hours in between pieces. I had planned to try to go 8 hours on Sunday. But Sunday my head was somewhere else and my will to continue was all but gone. I picked up a pack of cigarettes and worked my way through half a pack that day. The pack was gone by Monday and I got another pack.
I'm not sure how to explain why this happened. I'm not sure I even know. But I did make a conscious decision to give up on this bid to quit tobacco. I suppose I could try to justify my decision, explain my reasons, but the only thing I can really say is that when it was getting down to the wire I just couldn't visualize myself without some sort of nicotine crutch. At least not now. Not this week. Not today. My head just wasn't in the right place. My confidence in this, and so many other things, was/is gone.
I'm not proud of it. But I take responsibility for it.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on wanting to quit. This effort when much smoother, overall, than my last major quitting attempt. And I had done much better at weaning myself off the gum this time. Last time I was smacking nicotine gum for about 6 months and never really followed a program or reduced my usage. So at least this time I got my overall nicotine use down.
I will try again. And I won't wait so long to make the attempt next time. Maybe a month or two. But one thing I realized in all of this is I definitely need something else to focus some of my mental energy on to have a better chance at success. I need something to fill that hole.
Now if I only had a clue what that might be.
Quitting nicotine
Chewing tobacco
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Trees fall and dreams rise
OK, I realize that leaves of many trees fall to the ground in autumn, but now the trees themselves are tumbling to the ground all over Salem and the Willamette Valley. Sometimes they take out power and other utility lines on the way down. But don't take my word for it, read the Statesman Journal article for yourself. Prolonged, heavy rains and brisk winds are toppling trees like they were Tinker toys.
Last night I was telling my friend Brat about two trees that had fallen over not too far from my building in my apartment complex. But as I headed out to my car this morning to head to work I was confronted by the sight of another tree that had fallen overnight, about 15-20 feet from where my car was parked. Fortunately the tree fell between two buildings, although it had to have scraped one of the buildings on its tumble to the soggy turf. However, if it had fallen the other direction it probably would have taken out several cars in the parking lot in the row behind where I park. Some of the upper branches may even have reached across the travel lane and into the row of cars where my assigned space is located.
Fortunately, the sun came out for a bit this afternoon, but not for long enough to do much to dry things out. Rivers are still running high, some streets are flooded. Even the hardcore webbed-foot valley natives are beginning to comment on how much rain we've been getting. The forecast for the next few days: Rain and wind to continue which means more trees will likely fall victim to the stormy weather. When is spring supposed to arrive?
How would you spend $156 million dollars? That's the amount of Wednesday's Powerball lottery drawing. The drawing has been growing rather large for several weeks, but I have kept forgetting to buy a ticket. But I remedied that today.
I plunked down $5 on a dream, a fantasy. Yea, I may never win, but $5 can buy lots of dreams on which I can travel further than I would have on the 2.5 gallons of gas I could have got with the same half a sawbuck.
***
I'm just a week and a couple of days from my final planned date to give up the nicotine completely, including the gum. I'm in the one-piece-every-4-to-8-hours phase now, but unfortunately I'm still struggling to make it past the 4-hour mark. I was hoping to be up to 8 hours by Thursday, but 6 may be more likely. Sometime the 4 hours passes relatively painlessly, although the cravings are still there. Other times, the cravings hit me like a freight train at about the 2-hour mark.
The good thing is that I've resisted the rather strong urges at times to cheat with a cigarette here and there. I have not bought a pack in more than a week. But I'm thinking now that I may have to alter my timeline slightly. I'm still chewing the stronger 4 mg gum, which I think is still putting too much nicotine into my system when I do chew it. So I may switch to the 2 mg gum when this box runs out and potentially extend my program 1 week at least, to make up for my 1 week of flagrantly violating my program. But maybe what I need is to take some time off to alter my daily routines.
One thing is certain, I need to get past the cravings soon so I can start cutting back on the munching of popcorn, chips, candy and other snacks I've been doing rather than chew extra pieces of gum or, worse, running to the store for a can of snuff or a pack of smokes. I've put on at least 5 pounds, maybe more. And I was already suffering from the middle-age spread before this ordeal began. But the extra weight is growing uncomfortable.
However, first things first. I want to beat this nicotine addiction once and for all. Then I'll work on the other aspects necessary to be an irresistible chick magnet! Oh, that reminds me of other things I can add to my list of what to do with my Powerball winnings. Hire a personal trainer and a dietician.
Weather
Rain
Winter storms
Willamette Valley
Powerball
Lottery
Quitting nicotine
Last night I was telling my friend Brat about two trees that had fallen over not too far from my building in my apartment complex. But as I headed out to my car this morning to head to work I was confronted by the sight of another tree that had fallen overnight, about 15-20 feet from where my car was parked. Fortunately the tree fell between two buildings, although it had to have scraped one of the buildings on its tumble to the soggy turf. However, if it had fallen the other direction it probably would have taken out several cars in the parking lot in the row behind where I park. Some of the upper branches may even have reached across the travel lane and into the row of cars where my assigned space is located.
Fortunately, the sun came out for a bit this afternoon, but not for long enough to do much to dry things out. Rivers are still running high, some streets are flooded. Even the hardcore webbed-foot valley natives are beginning to comment on how much rain we've been getting. The forecast for the next few days: Rain and wind to continue which means more trees will likely fall victim to the stormy weather. When is spring supposed to arrive?
***
How would you spend $156 million dollars? That's the amount of Wednesday's Powerball lottery drawing. The drawing has been growing rather large for several weeks, but I have kept forgetting to buy a ticket. But I remedied that today.
I plunked down $5 on a dream, a fantasy. Yea, I may never win, but $5 can buy lots of dreams on which I can travel further than I would have on the 2.5 gallons of gas I could have got with the same half a sawbuck.
***
I'm just a week and a couple of days from my final planned date to give up the nicotine completely, including the gum. I'm in the one-piece-every-4-to-8-hours phase now, but unfortunately I'm still struggling to make it past the 4-hour mark. I was hoping to be up to 8 hours by Thursday, but 6 may be more likely. Sometime the 4 hours passes relatively painlessly, although the cravings are still there. Other times, the cravings hit me like a freight train at about the 2-hour mark.
The good thing is that I've resisted the rather strong urges at times to cheat with a cigarette here and there. I have not bought a pack in more than a week. But I'm thinking now that I may have to alter my timeline slightly. I'm still chewing the stronger 4 mg gum, which I think is still putting too much nicotine into my system when I do chew it. So I may switch to the 2 mg gum when this box runs out and potentially extend my program 1 week at least, to make up for my 1 week of flagrantly violating my program. But maybe what I need is to take some time off to alter my daily routines.
One thing is certain, I need to get past the cravings soon so I can start cutting back on the munching of popcorn, chips, candy and other snacks I've been doing rather than chew extra pieces of gum or, worse, running to the store for a can of snuff or a pack of smokes. I've put on at least 5 pounds, maybe more. And I was already suffering from the middle-age spread before this ordeal began. But the extra weight is growing uncomfortable.
However, first things first. I want to beat this nicotine addiction once and for all. Then I'll work on the other aspects necessary to be an irresistible chick magnet! Oh, that reminds me of other things I can add to my list of what to do with my Powerball winnings. Hire a personal trainer and a dietician.
Weather
Rain
Winter storms
Willamette Valley
Powerball
Lottery
Quitting nicotine
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Nicotine update
OK, so I didn't give up. And I've sort of got back on track. I have successfully got to the target of one piece of gum every 4 hours.
In the next two week, I need to get down to one piece of nicotine gum every 8 hours, and then by Feb. 9 I am supposed to give up the gum altogether.
But the cutting back has resulted in a return to withdrawal symptoms. Lots of twitching and lack of concentration.
So, I'm still here. Still working on it. Just having a rough time concentrating. Thanks for your supporting comments. Thanks for sending the positive vibes.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
In the next two week, I need to get down to one piece of nicotine gum every 8 hours, and then by Feb. 9 I am supposed to give up the gum altogether.
But the cutting back has resulted in a return to withdrawal symptoms. Lots of twitching and lack of concentration.
So, I'm still here. Still working on it. Just having a rough time concentrating. Thanks for your supporting comments. Thanks for sending the positive vibes.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
On the verge of surrender
I admit it. I'm weak.
My efforts to give up nicotine are faltering. I was on course and on schedule until last week, and somehow I got off track. Now I'm doubting my resolved to get back on it.
According to my stop-chewing-by-using-nicotine-gum program I am supposed to be down to one piece of gum every 2-4 hours. And for I while I was doing well at that, averaging a piece of gum every 3 hours or so, sometimes I could even get up to about the 4 hour mark. But about this time last week things went off course.
It started off by just popping an extra couple of pieces when the cravings got overly intense. In the following days, it got worse. I got weaker. And I was supplementing the gum increasingly with cigarettes.
Now, I'm back to using a piece about every 1-2 hours, and jonesing the entire time in between. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking about quitting quitting all together, at least for a while. I am not sure I have the willpower, the fortitude, to accept the setback and soldier on. So, I'm seriously entertaining the notion of just buying a can of Copenhagen and enjoying the buzz of that pinch between my cheek and gum again. For a week or a month or however long it takes me to get my head back in the quitting game.
I think the biggest culprit, which I've also been battling for months, is boredom. I never would have suspected that boredom was so stressful, but it is proving to be a nerve-wracking bitch.
The only thing I've decided tonight is that I haven't made a final decision on the matter.
Maybe everything will be clearer after a cigarette.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
My efforts to give up nicotine are faltering. I was on course and on schedule until last week, and somehow I got off track. Now I'm doubting my resolved to get back on it.
According to my stop-chewing-by-using-nicotine-gum program I am supposed to be down to one piece of gum every 2-4 hours. And for I while I was doing well at that, averaging a piece of gum every 3 hours or so, sometimes I could even get up to about the 4 hour mark. But about this time last week things went off course.
It started off by just popping an extra couple of pieces when the cravings got overly intense. In the following days, it got worse. I got weaker. And I was supplementing the gum increasingly with cigarettes.
Now, I'm back to using a piece about every 1-2 hours, and jonesing the entire time in between. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking about quitting quitting all together, at least for a while. I am not sure I have the willpower, the fortitude, to accept the setback and soldier on. So, I'm seriously entertaining the notion of just buying a can of Copenhagen and enjoying the buzz of that pinch between my cheek and gum again. For a week or a month or however long it takes me to get my head back in the quitting game.
I think the biggest culprit, which I've also been battling for months, is boredom. I never would have suspected that boredom was so stressful, but it is proving to be a nerve-wracking bitch.
The only thing I've decided tonight is that I haven't made a final decision on the matter.
Maybe everything will be clearer after a cigarette.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Cravings? What cravings?
Today is a pivotal day in the whole quitting tobacco process. It's been seven weeks since this little adventure started and the program I'm using with nicotine gum calls for a cut back on the amount of gum used starting today.
Up to this point, I've been allowed a piece of gum every 1 to 2 hours. Today I'm supposed to cut back to one piece every 2-4 hours.
Yesterday I paid very close attention to my gum intake and made sure I didn't take more than 1 piece every 2 hours. So, I know I can at least make it 2 hours. But 4 hours? I don't have nearly as long to adapt to the lower nicotine level and longer duration between pieces. In just 3 weeks I have to cut back again to a piece of gum every 4 to 8 hours.
OK, so no one probably gives a rip. But I'm twitching and my skin has that crawling feeling just thinking about it. For whatever reason I haven't had my first piece of gum of the day and now writing about post about having to cut back on the nicotine is making me very conscious of the cravings this morning.
Maybe waiting wasn't such a good idea.
Quitting tobacco
Up to this point, I've been allowed a piece of gum every 1 to 2 hours. Today I'm supposed to cut back to one piece every 2-4 hours.
Yesterday I paid very close attention to my gum intake and made sure I didn't take more than 1 piece every 2 hours. So, I know I can at least make it 2 hours. But 4 hours? I don't have nearly as long to adapt to the lower nicotine level and longer duration between pieces. In just 3 weeks I have to cut back again to a piece of gum every 4 to 8 hours.
OK, so no one probably gives a rip. But I'm twitching and my skin has that crawling feeling just thinking about it. For whatever reason I haven't had my first piece of gum of the day and now writing about post about having to cut back on the nicotine is making me very conscious of the cravings this morning.
Maybe waiting wasn't such a good idea.
Quitting tobacco
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Nicotine dreams
Several weeks back, I said I was trying to give up my nicotine habit -- chewing tobacco -- and I said I intended to chronicle the process of ditching the dip. I haven't done a very good job of that.
Part of my reason, or excuse, for this is that the cravings haven't really been that bad. The worst of the withdrawal symptoms have been mitigated by my decision to use nicotine gum to wean myself off of the Copenhagen habit I've labored under for about 22 years.
But lately, I've taken a bit of a step backward. No, I haven't put a pinch between my cheek and gum for that pure tobacco pleasure former snuff pitchman and former Dallas Cowboy running back Walt Garrison used to espouse back in the days when they still showed tobacco commercials on TV. No, I've been periodically buying -- and worse smoking -- cigarettes.
I certainly have no desire to give up one tobacco habit for another. And I will not allow myself to become a smoker. But during my trip to Vegas I often smoked while playing cards or slots at the casinos. And since I've been home, I've also been smoking, particularly while driving.
So today I decided, as I watched another pack of cigarettes dwindling down to a finally 2 smokes, that I was not going to buy another pack. Yea, I may go through more gum, which is more expensive, for a while, but the smoking is not acceptable to me.
Yes, I am still vexed by cravings. Not the kind that signal full-scale withdrawal, but cravings none the less. Anyone who has smoked or suffered nicotine addition would probably notice the pattern of the most intense cravings.
First thing in the morning -- Can't start the day without nicotine. It gets the blood pumping and gets the brain out of neutral.
After meals -- Nicotine, the dessert of champions. Nothing like a little dip, or smoke, or Nicorette to cleans the pallet after breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Under stress -- Anxiety fuels the jones. Will a little nicotine any crisis seems manageable. Without it, even moderate stress can lead to a virtual freakout.
Boredom -- Nothing to do? Now about a dip? Why twiddle your thumbs when you can burn one down to the filter? Why daydream when you can chomp on some nicotine gum?
Before bed -- Yea, got to have a little before calling it a day. Relax, wind down after the day and get a little more nicotine into the bloodstream before fasting through the night.
Well, I guess I'll wrap this up for now. I've got a little craving I need to satisfy.
No, I just haven't had dinner yet.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
Part of my reason, or excuse, for this is that the cravings haven't really been that bad. The worst of the withdrawal symptoms have been mitigated by my decision to use nicotine gum to wean myself off of the Copenhagen habit I've labored under for about 22 years.
But lately, I've taken a bit of a step backward. No, I haven't put a pinch between my cheek and gum for that pure tobacco pleasure former snuff pitchman and former Dallas Cowboy running back Walt Garrison used to espouse back in the days when they still showed tobacco commercials on TV. No, I've been periodically buying -- and worse smoking -- cigarettes.
I certainly have no desire to give up one tobacco habit for another. And I will not allow myself to become a smoker. But during my trip to Vegas I often smoked while playing cards or slots at the casinos. And since I've been home, I've also been smoking, particularly while driving.
So today I decided, as I watched another pack of cigarettes dwindling down to a finally 2 smokes, that I was not going to buy another pack. Yea, I may go through more gum, which is more expensive, for a while, but the smoking is not acceptable to me.
Yes, I am still vexed by cravings. Not the kind that signal full-scale withdrawal, but cravings none the less. Anyone who has smoked or suffered nicotine addition would probably notice the pattern of the most intense cravings.
First thing in the morning -- Can't start the day without nicotine. It gets the blood pumping and gets the brain out of neutral.
After meals -- Nicotine, the dessert of champions. Nothing like a little dip, or smoke, or Nicorette to cleans the pallet after breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Under stress -- Anxiety fuels the jones. Will a little nicotine any crisis seems manageable. Without it, even moderate stress can lead to a virtual freakout.
Boredom -- Nothing to do? Now about a dip? Why twiddle your thumbs when you can burn one down to the filter? Why daydream when you can chomp on some nicotine gum?
Before bed -- Yea, got to have a little before calling it a day. Relax, wind down after the day and get a little more nicotine into the bloodstream before fasting through the night.
Well, I guess I'll wrap this up for now. I've got a little craving I need to satisfy.
No, I just haven't had dinner yet.
Nicotine
Quitting tobacco
Monday, November 21, 2005
Weekend recap
When I was younger I had a habit of overcommitting to events and projects. I lived by my datebook. Sometimes it would get me into trouble and things would come crashing down around my ears. I never said no, and wanting to be popular, I would agree to any club, activity or social engagement.
In recent years I have gotten much better at saying no and protecting personal time. So good in fact that I am generally a slug on weekends. My couch owns my ass on many weekends.
Not this weekend though. I headed up to PDX Friday night after work to look out for 2 dogs and 4 cats my daughter's mom's house. Then Saturday I bebopped over to Oceanside for an early Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter's family. I am not sure there was a better place to be on the planet Saturday afternoon than the Oregon Coast. It was sunny and in the 60s. Perfect for a nice little cat nap on a deck overlooking the Pacific.
In traditional holiday grazing form, there was way too much nibbling on a variety of food all afternoon and a big dinner that night, before some game playing and family time. Somehow I got suckered into helping with dishes, but I didn't even mind.
Then it was back to Portland to check on the critters. I kept them (or they kept me) company until the family got back home. After some more visiting I headed out to meet a former SoCal friend for dinner in the 'burbs before heading back to Salem.
In there I got to spend some time chatting with my friend Brat and petting any 4-legged critter that came within arm's length all weekend.
And the only dipping involved all weekend involved chips and spicy ranch dressing. So far, I'm nearly 5 days into the no chewing tobacco campaign. And over the last few days I've only been averaging about 6 pieces of nicotine gum a day.
However, in the interest of full disclosure, I have had a few cigarettes on the various road trips while traveling more than 300 miles over the weekend. And no, I'm not taking up smoking instead of chewing. I've been known to light up once in a while on road trips or sometimes in a bar. But I have no desire to trade one bad habit for another.
Surprisingly the nicotine cravings have not been as bad as I feared. Although I concede that I am still taking in nicotine, but I'm not chomping on the Nicorette as much as I thought. I'm averaging much less than a piece every 2 hours and often substitute a piece of regular gum or hard candy for more nicotine. I can't say I have this thing beat yet, but so far I'm ahead of my program schedule.
Fingers crossed.
Weekend
Quitting nicotine
In recent years I have gotten much better at saying no and protecting personal time. So good in fact that I am generally a slug on weekends. My couch owns my ass on many weekends.
Not this weekend though. I headed up to PDX Friday night after work to look out for 2 dogs and 4 cats my daughter's mom's house. Then Saturday I bebopped over to Oceanside for an early Thanksgiving dinner with my daughter's family. I am not sure there was a better place to be on the planet Saturday afternoon than the Oregon Coast. It was sunny and in the 60s. Perfect for a nice little cat nap on a deck overlooking the Pacific.
In traditional holiday grazing form, there was way too much nibbling on a variety of food all afternoon and a big dinner that night, before some game playing and family time. Somehow I got suckered into helping with dishes, but I didn't even mind.
Then it was back to Portland to check on the critters. I kept them (or they kept me) company until the family got back home. After some more visiting I headed out to meet a former SoCal friend for dinner in the 'burbs before heading back to Salem.
In there I got to spend some time chatting with my friend Brat and petting any 4-legged critter that came within arm's length all weekend.
And the only dipping involved all weekend involved chips and spicy ranch dressing. So far, I'm nearly 5 days into the no chewing tobacco campaign. And over the last few days I've only been averaging about 6 pieces of nicotine gum a day.
However, in the interest of full disclosure, I have had a few cigarettes on the various road trips while traveling more than 300 miles over the weekend. And no, I'm not taking up smoking instead of chewing. I've been known to light up once in a while on road trips or sometimes in a bar. But I have no desire to trade one bad habit for another.
Surprisingly the nicotine cravings have not been as bad as I feared. Although I concede that I am still taking in nicotine, but I'm not chomping on the Nicorette as much as I thought. I'm averaging much less than a piece every 2 hours and often substitute a piece of regular gum or hard candy for more nicotine. I can't say I have this thing beat yet, but so far I'm ahead of my program schedule.
Fingers crossed.
Weekend
Quitting nicotine
Friday, November 18, 2005
On the upswing
What a difference a day makes. Twenty-four hours ago, I was not in very good shape. I would have been happy to crawl in a cave and sleep for a month or two. It took me 8 pieces of nicotine gum to get through the day, and I was still close to just giving in. I came pretty close to just rummaging through the trash can for the last can of dip that I tossed out, half full, the other day.
Today, as I was leaving work, I took a count of how much gum I had gone through. Only 5 pieces so far today. In my euphoria, I thought to myself I will be completely off the chew and the gume in just a matter of days. That's probably not realistic. The program calls for cutting down over a period of 12 weeks. Oddly, I'm feeling pretty good, except for the parts of my mouth that are sore from biting my cheek while chomping on gum, nicotine or otherwise.
Well, no time to bask in the glory. I'm spending the weekend in Portland, so I need to head out. More updates as warranted or inspired.
Quitting nicotine
Today, as I was leaving work, I took a count of how much gum I had gone through. Only 5 pieces so far today. In my euphoria, I thought to myself I will be completely off the chew and the gume in just a matter of days. That's probably not realistic. The program calls for cutting down over a period of 12 weeks. Oddly, I'm feeling pretty good, except for the parts of my mouth that are sore from biting my cheek while chomping on gum, nicotine or otherwise.
Well, no time to bask in the glory. I'm spending the weekend in Portland, so I need to head out. More updates as warranted or inspired.
Quitting nicotine
Day 2
So far, it has been 30-plus hours without tobacco, although the evening hours yesterday were a little rough. It took 8 pieces of nicotine gum to get through the day, which is about what the manufacturer recommends for the early days of the quitting program. My jaw is sore from chomping on gum.
I woke up a couple of times during the night. The dreams seems to be more about work than tobacco, so that's good. The brain is shrouded in fog this morning, but I'm not sure I can attribute that to the lack of Copenhagen, because morning fog is typical. I hate mornings.
Maybe a shower will help.
Quitting tobacco
I woke up a couple of times during the night. The dreams seems to be more about work than tobacco, so that's good. The brain is shrouded in fog this morning, but I'm not sure I can attribute that to the lack of Copenhagen, because morning fog is typical. I hate mornings.
Maybe a shower will help.
Quitting tobacco
Thursday, November 17, 2005
So far, so ... oh shut the fuck up
I've survived nearly 12 waking hours without tobacco and it's setting tough. I'm feeling jittery and impatient. I think it's about time for another piece of nicotine gum to take something off the sharp, jagged edge drilling into my, well you name it, it's tweaking.
I feel like I've just snorted coke, all jangley and hyper. My body feels like it's twitching even when I'm trying to sit perfectly still. And when I do move, I suddenly become obsessive compulsive. I can't scratch my nose just once or twice. It's like I have to scratch it for 10-15 seconds.
I thought of a million things I was going to describe about this experience on the way home, but God knows I can't remember what they were. The brain just doesn't seem to be wired right. Even trying to so something like simple addition or subtraction in my head is impossible. Periodically I can hear a ringing in my ears.
I am very happy I made it this far, but I had work to keep me distracted most of the day. It may be a long evening. I'm tempted to just crawl into bed and try to sleep for about 4-6 weeks, until the nicotine withdrawal is completely over.
OK, I have to get off of here. I can't type. I am struggling to construct a sentence at a time in my head. Maybe a little heroin would take some of the edge off.
Nicotine withdrawal
I feel like I've just snorted coke, all jangley and hyper. My body feels like it's twitching even when I'm trying to sit perfectly still. And when I do move, I suddenly become obsessive compulsive. I can't scratch my nose just once or twice. It's like I have to scratch it for 10-15 seconds.
I thought of a million things I was going to describe about this experience on the way home, but God knows I can't remember what they were. The brain just doesn't seem to be wired right. Even trying to so something like simple addition or subtraction in my head is impossible. Periodically I can hear a ringing in my ears.
I am very happy I made it this far, but I had work to keep me distracted most of the day. It may be a long evening. I'm tempted to just crawl into bed and try to sleep for about 4-6 weeks, until the nicotine withdrawal is completely over.
OK, I have to get off of here. I can't type. I am struggling to construct a sentence at a time in my head. Maybe a little heroin would take some of the edge off.
Nicotine withdrawal
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Minute by minute
D-Day is less than 2 hours away. I’m in the waning hours of my last day as a tobacco chewer.
I hope.
I know I should be more positive about this. Not leave room for doubt, but I also know that this tobacco addiction is a powerful thing. It’s going to take a lot of inner strength to beat it. I want to beat it. I plan to beat it. But I also know that not all things go as planned.
I stopped off after work today and picked up some stop smoking aids. Nicotine gum. Regular gum. Hard candy. Breath strips. Things to put in my mouth other than tobacco.
There is the habit of chewing, and the nicotine addition that I need to overcome.
For more than 21 years I’ve gotten used to having something in mouth, tucked down between my cheek and gum, at virtually all times. Yep, all the time. Except when I eat or when I sleep or when I’m involved in some intimate activity with a member of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, there are only so many hours a day to sleep, only 2 or 3 meals a day, and most unfortunately, there has not been a lot of intimate time with a woman either for long stretches.
The last time I was able to kick the habit started four years ago. I was single, but it was a woman that pushed me over the edge and back into the can.
I had gone for several months without dipping and started spending some time with a young woman I met at work. I had a major crush on her, but it was an ill-fated relationship from the start. She had moved to town from the Midwest.
I found out fairly soon that the reason she moved is because she was divorced. But not too long after that, I found out that she was not actually divorced, just separated. And the reason she got separated was because she got caught cheating on her husband.
And not long after she was telling me that she wasn’t going to be able to see me much because a friend was coming to town. She later confessed that the friend was actually her husband.
For a while, she was just unavailable. Out when I called. Maybe this weekend, she’d say. But then the weekend came and went. Then she cut off contact completely. Wouldn’t return phone calls, wouldn’t turn e-mail. It took me weeks to realized for sure that I had really been cast aside. Every time I pursued some contact just to find out for sure, I was ignored.
At the time, I was paying about $35 bucks a pop for nicotine gum 2-3 times a week. And I wasn’t exactly heart broken, but I was bruised. My crush was crushed. And I made a decision to control the one thing I could control at the time. I could control how much I was paying for my nicotine. I could cut my costs and just buy a can of Cope. And I did.
I still remember the feelings I experienced during and after the Great American Smokeout 2001 when I started my long hiatus from the dip. The physical and emotional reactions were intense. I felt like a starting man deprived of oxygen. The cravings gnawed at my guts, and my mind was in a fog. Like I had been sitting on a carousel had spun far too fast for too long. I couldn’t get my bearings. I was dizzy, disconnected. I couldn’t hold a thought in my head for more than a few seconds at a time. Well, except for the omnipresent knowledge that I needed nicotine.
Every second without it felt like an eternity. Every single fraction of a second was palpable. Like a clock ticking in my head. I wasn’t sure I could last a single second longer. But somehow I did. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by agonizing hour.
I’ve only felt anything at all like it once. And that was the pain of a broken heart. The pain of craving the one thing – or the one person – you don’t have. But I got through it. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by Day. Week by week. Month by month.
And maybe that’s why I think I’m finally ready to try to kick nicotine again. I survived the broken heart. Not that there aren’t still some occasional pangs of craving, but they pass quickly and virtually painlessly.
I know kicking nicotine won’t be easy. And I’m not sure I’m completely ready. But I wasn’t ready to deal with a broken heart either and somehow I did. So I intend to use some of the same things I learned there to help here. I plan to turn to friend for support when needed. And I plan to get through it minute by minute, hour by hour, and hopefully day by day and month by month, until the craving is but a memory.
In the meantime there will be a lot of gnashing of teeth and chomping of gum.
And so it begins.
Nicotine
Great American Smokeout
I hope.
I know I should be more positive about this. Not leave room for doubt, but I also know that this tobacco addiction is a powerful thing. It’s going to take a lot of inner strength to beat it. I want to beat it. I plan to beat it. But I also know that not all things go as planned.
I stopped off after work today and picked up some stop smoking aids. Nicotine gum. Regular gum. Hard candy. Breath strips. Things to put in my mouth other than tobacco.
There is the habit of chewing, and the nicotine addition that I need to overcome.
For more than 21 years I’ve gotten used to having something in mouth, tucked down between my cheek and gum, at virtually all times. Yep, all the time. Except when I eat or when I sleep or when I’m involved in some intimate activity with a member of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, there are only so many hours a day to sleep, only 2 or 3 meals a day, and most unfortunately, there has not been a lot of intimate time with a woman either for long stretches.
The last time I was able to kick the habit started four years ago. I was single, but it was a woman that pushed me over the edge and back into the can.
I had gone for several months without dipping and started spending some time with a young woman I met at work. I had a major crush on her, but it was an ill-fated relationship from the start. She had moved to town from the Midwest.
I found out fairly soon that the reason she moved is because she was divorced. But not too long after that, I found out that she was not actually divorced, just separated. And the reason she got separated was because she got caught cheating on her husband.
And not long after she was telling me that she wasn’t going to be able to see me much because a friend was coming to town. She later confessed that the friend was actually her husband.
For a while, she was just unavailable. Out when I called. Maybe this weekend, she’d say. But then the weekend came and went. Then she cut off contact completely. Wouldn’t return phone calls, wouldn’t turn e-mail. It took me weeks to realized for sure that I had really been cast aside. Every time I pursued some contact just to find out for sure, I was ignored.
At the time, I was paying about $35 bucks a pop for nicotine gum 2-3 times a week. And I wasn’t exactly heart broken, but I was bruised. My crush was crushed. And I made a decision to control the one thing I could control at the time. I could control how much I was paying for my nicotine. I could cut my costs and just buy a can of Cope. And I did.
I still remember the feelings I experienced during and after the Great American Smokeout 2001 when I started my long hiatus from the dip. The physical and emotional reactions were intense. I felt like a starting man deprived of oxygen. The cravings gnawed at my guts, and my mind was in a fog. Like I had been sitting on a carousel had spun far too fast for too long. I couldn’t get my bearings. I was dizzy, disconnected. I couldn’t hold a thought in my head for more than a few seconds at a time. Well, except for the omnipresent knowledge that I needed nicotine.
Every second without it felt like an eternity. Every single fraction of a second was palpable. Like a clock ticking in my head. I wasn’t sure I could last a single second longer. But somehow I did. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by agonizing hour.
I’ve only felt anything at all like it once. And that was the pain of a broken heart. The pain of craving the one thing – or the one person – you don’t have. But I got through it. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by Day. Week by week. Month by month.
And maybe that’s why I think I’m finally ready to try to kick nicotine again. I survived the broken heart. Not that there aren’t still some occasional pangs of craving, but they pass quickly and virtually painlessly.
I know kicking nicotine won’t be easy. And I’m not sure I’m completely ready. But I wasn’t ready to deal with a broken heart either and somehow I did. So I intend to use some of the same things I learned there to help here. I plan to turn to friend for support when needed. And I plan to get through it minute by minute, hour by hour, and hopefully day by day and month by month, until the craving is but a memory.
In the meantime there will be a lot of gnashing of teeth and chomping of gum.
And so it begins.
Nicotine
Great American Smokeout
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Countdown to quitting
Things are a bit busy, so I'm not sure how often I will be able to post the next few days, but I do intend to write about the experience, the process, of kicking the tobacco habit. Maybe it will help me get through it, or give me something to do when there are cravings. Or maybe it will help someone else.
Tomorrow, I need to get some nicotine gum to take the edge off the cravings starting Thursday during the Great American Smokeout. This time I'll actually read the directions about how to use them as part of a real program. The gum is too damn expensive to stay on that stuff very long. Far more expensive than the actual tobacco.
The adventure is about to begin.
Great American Smokeout
Quitting tobacco
Tomorrow, I need to get some nicotine gum to take the edge off the cravings starting Thursday during the Great American Smokeout. This time I'll actually read the directions about how to use them as part of a real program. The gum is too damn expensive to stay on that stuff very long. Far more expensive than the actual tobacco.
The adventure is about to begin.
Great American Smokeout
Quitting tobacco
Monday, November 14, 2005
Putting the can on ice
It was not well planned out. In fact it wasn't planned at all. It was a spur of the moment thing.
I seem to have a knack for picking cold, cloudless nights to walk to the store. It's 39 degrees outside, and there I was walking to the market down the street. I was going to drive, but for some reason, as I was walking to my parking stop in the parking lot, I changed my mind and decided to walk. It's a short walk, and lord knows I can use a little exercise.
Although it is perhaps ironic to think this little jaunt had anything to do with improving my health, especially given that I walked to the story to buy tobacco. Chewing tobacco. But, there is a health component to it, in a roundabout way. My intention is that this be my last can of chewing tobacco -- ever.
I'm not proud of it, but I've been a tobacco user for nearly 21 and a half years. I started chewing when I was 18. I did sort of stop once a few years ago for about 6 months, but I still was using a pretty big crutch. Nicotine gum. And my use of the gum was just not going down. But it gave me reason to think that perhaps quitting for good is really possible. So this year I'm going to try again. Starting Thursday, Nov. 17. The date of the Great American Smokeout, sponsored by the American Cancer Society.
When I decided to go without nicotine during the Smokeout a few years ago. It was sort of on a whim. I had been thinking about trying to quit for a while. My employer encouraged people to participate in the Smokeout, and I woke up that morning and decided to try to go without tobacco for the day. Many times during the day, I was certain I wouldn't make it. But somehow I did.
I've been wanting to quit for a long time. I think now is the time. It's at least the time to try. Is the timing ideal? No, but then it never will be, so it seems as good of a time as any.
So, I walked to the store to buy what I fully intend is, and hope and pray truly will be, my last can of tobacco. But if I had thought about walking to the story before I actually left the house I might have decided to dress differently. Black sweat pants and a black jacket are probably not the best things to wear walking along a dark city street at night. I probably would have opted to wear socks too. Underwear might have been a good idea too, you know, just in case. Of an accident. Don't moms always to advise wearing clean underwear. Moms probably don't advise walking around in public without underwear.
Maybe I haven't planned out this quitting thing quite well enough. But I've still got a couple more days to work on it -- and to find some underwear.
Great American Smokeout
Tobacco
Weather
I seem to have a knack for picking cold, cloudless nights to walk to the store. It's 39 degrees outside, and there I was walking to the market down the street. I was going to drive, but for some reason, as I was walking to my parking stop in the parking lot, I changed my mind and decided to walk. It's a short walk, and lord knows I can use a little exercise.
Although it is perhaps ironic to think this little jaunt had anything to do with improving my health, especially given that I walked to the story to buy tobacco. Chewing tobacco. But, there is a health component to it, in a roundabout way. My intention is that this be my last can of chewing tobacco -- ever.
I'm not proud of it, but I've been a tobacco user for nearly 21 and a half years. I started chewing when I was 18. I did sort of stop once a few years ago for about 6 months, but I still was using a pretty big crutch. Nicotine gum. And my use of the gum was just not going down. But it gave me reason to think that perhaps quitting for good is really possible. So this year I'm going to try again. Starting Thursday, Nov. 17. The date of the Great American Smokeout, sponsored by the American Cancer Society.
When I decided to go without nicotine during the Smokeout a few years ago. It was sort of on a whim. I had been thinking about trying to quit for a while. My employer encouraged people to participate in the Smokeout, and I woke up that morning and decided to try to go without tobacco for the day. Many times during the day, I was certain I wouldn't make it. But somehow I did.
I've been wanting to quit for a long time. I think now is the time. It's at least the time to try. Is the timing ideal? No, but then it never will be, so it seems as good of a time as any.
So, I walked to the store to buy what I fully intend is, and hope and pray truly will be, my last can of tobacco. But if I had thought about walking to the story before I actually left the house I might have decided to dress differently. Black sweat pants and a black jacket are probably not the best things to wear walking along a dark city street at night. I probably would have opted to wear socks too. Underwear might have been a good idea too, you know, just in case. Of an accident. Don't moms always to advise wearing clean underwear. Moms probably don't advise walking around in public without underwear.
Maybe I haven't planned out this quitting thing quite well enough. But I've still got a couple more days to work on it -- and to find some underwear.
Great American Smokeout
Tobacco
Weather
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