Saturday, March 04, 2006

How long does it take to get over someone completely?

I woke up this morning dreaming about my ex.

We’ve been apart now longer than we were together. But her name still comes to mind. I want nothing more than to forget, but the forgetting don’t come easy. I realize I may never forget her, but I thought by now the memories would be rare and fragile things, muted by dust and ashes.

It’s been a year, give or take, since I’ve shed a tear for her, for us, for the love that I tasted for all too brief a time. But there are still tears. Only now they are for me, for the loneliness that I feel with a renewed and profound depth that I never knew before her. Other people’s stories of loss and heartbreak inflame the scar and start the tears flowing anew.

It was a 15 month romance – 19 months total from first glimpse to last. Now it’s been about 19 months since that last glimpse and 21 months since the heartbreak began with the return of a ring. I’ve been trying to sell that ring for far longer than she wore it. She moved to the other side of the continent, I moved a thousand miles, and still the memories of her confront me everywhere I turn.

Some of the pain I feel may be self inflicted. And some of it may be that I have had no one else to share those moments, big and small, that can create new memories to push the old ones back into the far reaches of my mind and heart.

I know I no longer want her back. I no longer miss her. But I miss so much. I miss being in love. I miss being loved. I miss being touched and kissed. Holding and being held. I miss the touch of another. The beat of a heart next to mine. I miss the future that will never be.


46 comments:

the Caitlinator said...

I dunno, G-man. Some people make that kind of impression on us, and it takes a really long time to let them go, even if you didn't know them a long time. I don't know if there's no love in your future; I'd doubt it given the passion you put even into posts like these. They say time heals all wounds, but time can also make you older. I guess the best thing you can do is accept your loss, feel it, but stay open to new possibilities. Once you give up hope on anything new, you give up hope altogether. What I'm saying is, in my long-winded way, I think there's still hope for you. :)

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

I'm with Caitlinator on this G-Man. I know there is still hope for a future with someone you love and who loves you.
Poignant post on the wonderful feeling being in love is, by the way.
I think dreaming about someone who we loved deeply in the past isn't abnormal. Afterall you loved her and planned on spending the rest of your life with her. Couple that, with wanting to have love in your life again (in the romantic form) it makes sense you would dream about her.
I don't know that you're really looking for advice, but keeping yourself active and connected to others,cultivating friendships, widens your possibilities of experiencing love again sooner rather than later.
Sending you a BIG (((HUG))) G-Man. Thank you for sharing such intimate thoughts and feelings with your readers. I wish you love, and soon my friend.

3T

Anonymous said...

im crying right now reading your entry. my boyfriend just left me. i know your pain.

Gabe said...

Sadly, strangely, I've been scouring the internet trying to find something to make me feel like I will get what happened to me. My girl friend of 4 years was asked to move from Seattle to NYC for her job for one year. She didn't want to do it. But I encouraged her because I think deep down she wanted to. It was to be a great experience for her. I was going to fly out every month. We would make it work. I supported her, and even helped her pack. Three months into her stay she called me and told me she didn't want to be with me anymore.

Sometimes, things are as bad as they seem. I believe that love is a pendulum and that the depths of sorrows felt are directly proportional to the heighth of happiness gained in pursuit of that love. If you hurt this much, you really must have loved her. And that is rare. Most people don't go that far because of what you're feeling now. I'm right there with you. I haven't taken a full breath in almost three months and I realize I will walk this planet for the rest of my life missing her.

I wish you the best and hope that love finds you again. Sometimes, hope is all we have left.

Anonymous said...

i wish all of you much love and happiness, please know there are others out there in the same position (like me) and we will all find love and happiness, just remember to keep your heart open....xo

Hems said...

I work up this morning and went for a walk in the woods just wondering and asking myself when will this be over; when will I stop thinking about my ex?????? We had been together for over 3 years, and 15months ago we officially split up, although I saw him 10 months ago. I am in another relationship now, however I keep thinking about my ex. For the past 3months, not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I have tried to get over him, read healing books, spoken to counselors, prayed...I have done everything possible and now I just feel lost like one of those missing people that no one ever remembers. Unlike you, I miss him, I miss the passion we had, I miss the love we made, I miss the sound of his voice, the touch of his skin, the look in his eyes. If I knew he wanted me back I would probably consider moving to Antarctica to be with him. There have been times when we spoke and I knew he wanted me back but our love is forbidden because at the end of the relationship all the forces of dreams and nature were against it. It was such a jagged, shocking and slaughtered conclusion, so now I’m billowing in the waves and storms of my world unable to share my anguish or desire with the people around me who would think I was insane to think about him, without realizing I would give anything within reason not to ever think about him again, to never hear his voice, to obliterate him out of my past, present and future. So here I am thinking enough of the bull**** really, “how loooooooooooong does it take to get over someone completely?”

Anonymous said...

I came to this website thinking I would find the very answer to that question. We dated for 13 months and have been apart for 7. Everyday I wish my phone would ring and it would be him or he would knock on my door. I just wonder when I will stop feeling that way. I believe in myself and my ability to move on and be open to others. I date regularly, but just have not felt the same excitment and comfort as I did when I was with him. It feels so unattainable. It does get harder to share these feelings with those around because you just have to be over it. I like what Gabe says, love being a pendulum, I suppose it is just not clear how far your sorrow or love will swing. I heard that it should take half the amount of time you spent together to get over the person. That didnt work for me.

I think he fell out of love, it was a shock to me. It felt great through all 13 months, we thought we had IT! Maybe I am still recovering from the shock of losing him. I still imagine myself calling him with exciting news or turning to him for comfort after a long day. Yea, we have to just be a stronger person because you are your comfort now. Maybe when I master that technique I will be ready to be with someone else.

Anonymous said...

It been 6 months since she left me and I cannot get over her. I have tried everything. Going to gym, try yoga, and prayed now I starting a new website http://www.bigfilez.com . Anyway, I wish there is a push button I can push now. I suspected this 3 weeks after we started the relationship that this can be dangerous for me. My story was like the movie Beauty and the Beast. She was way prettier than me and she make me feel that is not important at first. I know she loved me a lot when we started. The worst thing you want to do is get into relationship with someone prettier than you. I fell for her because she proof to me over and over she loved and when she said it over, I almost collapse. Deep down inside, i don't think she will come back but yet i like to feel she will wake up one day and now it 6 months. I really cannot see myself with someone else or someone similar to her and that have been really hard. Now I am thinking of leaving the country to her country just to find someone like her. I just wish I can stop thinking of her. It happened for 1 day whereby I never think of her. I feel really good. it like cancer you are trying to get ride of. I am looking to date someone and most girls i attract are no where close to my ex. Everywhere I go, people ask me how I get her. Same goes for her, everyone ask her why she like me. I have no idea why she did then.
My attitude is whatever it takes to attract another person. Sometime I wish I look like some celebrities that she love. Now considering laser surgery. I will give anything to have her back even a million dollars. Still going crazy. Hope one day, I will be fine and happy the way I was before I met her.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I too, came looking to see what the *magic* number was. No such luck. My partner & I had been together for almost 7 years, We broke up about a half a half ago. The pain is still fresh and I don't feel interested in dating or moving on. I don't want to let anyone else in ever again. Its not like this was a first love. I have had several relationships under my belt. I am in my 40's...I guess I just don't feel I will find anyone or want to find anyone else. So, I was curious how long it takes to let go. Sounds like it truly might be a lifetime.

Anonymous said...

oops, typo above..I meant we broke up a year and a half ago.

Anonymous said...

"it took me years to finally have the thought that let me come undone from the one i always thought would always be the one"

rakan said...

i wish if i was good in wirting in english to express my feelings. but sadly i don't. i came to this web page to find an answer. it has been over for 6 months and i can't stop thinking about her. i kept trying and trying but i couldn't. i even tryed to go out with girls but i didn't have any feelings torwards them. even thogh they were prettyer than her but i can't get her out of my mind. i can't even sleep some times.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how everyone here feels. My boyfriend and I were going out for 21 months, and we were engaged. Then suddenly he dumped me, it was 2 months ago now! Everyday I think about him constantly, it hurts so badly. He has changed a lot since we broke up, he has been drinking a lot and going out all the time and not going to class. But I know that isn't the person he is. We ended so badly, because I simply couldn't understand why he was doing this. He told me all the time that I was his soul mate, the love of his life. So why did he do this to me? Why did he cause me so much pain? He has been so evil to me ever since because I begged after him for the first 2 weeks and he was so angry and told me he no longer wanted to see or speak to me again, and he hasn't. It's hard to remember the good times because of what has happened since the break up. All I know is that I will love him forever, no matter how much he has changed, because I knew the person he once was, the loving, caring person who would have done anything for me. I just hope he wakes up one day and realises that he needs to stop being this monster he has turned into!

Fight - not flight said...

I want him back. Is there anyone out there who would want to help me 'make it happen?' I'll return the favor. Of course everything I'm talking of is legal.

I can explain our story offline to a new email address if anyone wants in.

Anonymous said...

Some of the comments here, and of course the original entry, are touching and beautifully expressed.

I would share the short tale that brought me to this page, but I don't wish to re-awaken more pain in you...
So instead, thank you for lessening my sense of being alone in feeling what I feel.

Anonymous said...

It seems Im here for the same reason as everyone else. Looking for an asnwer which I know doesnt actually exist but is comforting to hope for.

I was with my ex for 3 years but i knew him for 4, we drifted apart in the last few months but id always hoped we'd make it better and reconnect,but he didnt want to wait for such a time. I think about him everyday and yesturday was the first whole day that i made it through without texting him or talking to him on msn. Its been hard,its only been around 2 weeks but im taking it day by day. Before this I was always thinking of the future,now i cant think past next week.

Some of these posts make me feel like it'll be ok and others make me feel like this is the feeling i will feel for the rest of my life and that scares me. He wasnt "the one" or anything but I DID love him. I was happy to except he wasnt the one because he gave me incredible support,he was my rock and he got me through the day. Now every day is a struggle and I miss him so much. I just feel so incredibly empty. I was just kind of hoping this feeling would go away, like really,really soon.

I know I have alot in my life to come. But we had the same friends and did the same stuff and now were still doing the same stuff with the same friends, but not in the same way and all my future plans have changed. Its the worst feeling in the world. Being totally alone. But I know im not, by reading these posts. So thanks guys. I wish us all love and happiness because life sucks without it.

Arwen said...

Hi everyone, my story is similar to that of all of you. I didn't believe in soulmates before I met him, then he reminded me they might exist... he was, in a way, the worst relationship i have ever had. he was the relationship i put most work into. the one where i thought each day was the last. having said all of this, it sounds as if i have nothing to grieve over, nothing to regret. yet, somehow, i miss him more than i can express and i truly, deeply, madly fell for him. we were together for 9 months (with a month break in the middle--that's how tumultous it was). we've now been broken up for four and a half months and there's hardly a day when i don't crave being with him. i moved a continent away and have many new experiences to fill my day. yet, i keep thinking of him, wishing to hear his voice, longing for his strong arms, holding my breath hoping i might gaze into his beautiful eyes, hoping to make each other happy one day. i don't know why since it was pretty bad... i am not an irrational being. well, thank you, guys, for sharing in my pain by reading this. i wish all of us strength, love, luck, and many positive feelings. xoxo

Anonymous said...

I was with my ex for two and a half years. I knew her family for a full year before we started dateing. This is the relationship that I knew would be bad due to me being tight with her family. We started dating and everything seemed great for about the first year. Untill me and her dad started having problems. Then my parents moved 1300 miles away and I stayed behind. Now at the time I had a couple of reasons to stay school, work, and martial arts and my girl. This is when the problems started. I had to work two jobs to keep an apartment and to pay all my bills. Her parents ended up moving and she hated living in their new home. So I got her to stay with me. She did not drive and I pretty much had to ask her to do anything. We where 20- 21 years old. She did not drive which made things really difficult at times. On top of her parents wouldnt really do anything to help us out. I aways had to go get her. After we she stayed with me for a couple of weeks I tried to get her to move in with me but she always had an exscuse. We broke up about 5 times in the whole relationship. It was always stupid, I would be so stressed out that being with her Hert so much. It killed me seing so many other people being partners in a relationship and it was like I was her Boyfriend, and care taker. It finally ended after I moved. I told her that I would call her when I got settled in and I did. And the third time I called her she didnt pickup. When I finally got a hold of her she told me that I treated her badly and that I took the easy way out. As well as that She was seeing someone else that she knew in HS and had found on the E net. But you know what It didnt work out. We have some of the same friends and word gets around. I still miss her and love her. I dont know why but I do.

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone, I came to this site to give you hope.To encourage and lift up your spirits.The saying that says some people come into your life for a season or lifetime is true.If a person can walk out of your life so easily, they were not for you. They came into your life to teach you a lesson and you to teach them. Change your view on what happen to you. They did you a favor by leaving you, so you can now have a more realistic view about this thing called love. It is very natural for a person to internalize the rejection of one who decides to leave. You think those crazy thoughts of you were not pretty enough, smart enough,clean,enough...etc... But that is far from the truth. Them deciding to leave you is more about where they are in their lives than where you are. Count it as a blessing. Because I have seen to many people who marry or stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons and are miserable. And I know you guys know people who have done this. It hurts and my heart goes out to you. But there is a life to be lived and celebrated in each and everyone of you. For example, nature testifies to the fact that you will be healed, your hurt will disappear,and what died in you such as the trust,faithand hope in another human being will rise again if you allow it time to and you let go.You see it all the time, land that was burned to a crisp now covered in grass and growing crops.I wish I could encourage you more but I'm texting you guys on my cell phone and its kind of difficult to write giving the little space I have. But there are five stages to abandoment which I believe all of you guys are experiencing on different levels:first stage is shattering,second stage is withdrawal,third stage ,internalizing the rejection;fourth stage rage,sixth stage is lifting. You guys are grieving the death of a love one. A relationship that has died. And it's sad that our society doesn't recognize breakups as if someone has really died. Because then you would be able to grieve openly and honestly and get the support that you need from family and friends like you deserve than having to put a time constraint on it. Sorry I went on a tangient.I have been hurt before.I have experienced your pain. But don't quit. It will get better and you will be more wiser and lot more stronger and you will love again but wiser. Here are some books that I highly recomend that you read: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing(surviving through and recovering from the five stages that accompany the loss of love by Susan Anderson;Date or Soul Mate by Neil Clark Warren;The Ten commandments of Dating by Ben Young and Dr Samuel Adams;Losing that loving feeling (broken engagements dating break ups abandonment divirce) learning to fall out of love by Lou Priolo. I hope I encourage someone today. I will be praying for all of you who may view this site. Take courage and be strong. It will get better. I promise if you let go of yesterday, don't think about tomorrow and live for the day. Your friend.

Mia Hawk said...

I see him everywhere I go. I see him with another girl. Hearing that they have done all those things that him and I had planned to do. Taking her to places that he had once promised to take me. Seeing pictures of them so happy together. That girl sits in the same passenger seat where I once sat in. That girl sleeps in the same bed where I once slept in. That girl holds the hands that I once held. and she kisses those lips that once belonged to me. It really hurts to know that I have been replaced by someone so much prettier. So much better. But I think there's still hope for me.

Thank you all so much. These posts have helped me so much in understanding what others are going through. I know that so many couples split up and it seems so common. But now I truly understand that I am not alone and the same goes out for you.

nancy8189 said...

guys....you will all get over your ex's. it will happen i promise. i have been through what youve all been through to the point of feeling suicidal...i know that sounds awful but its true. my only advice is time is the only healer, dont give up on love all together because you WILL find it again and keep yourself busy and surrounded by positive people in the mean time. oh...also i advise having no contact with them too, erase them from your life...that includes facebook stalking! Look forward to the future and keep faith in it

Anonymous said...

I'm beginning to give up on love and life.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating on me. That was in 2003. I kicked her out of the house and it took me until late 2007 to finally let her go. I'll always love her and it was like loosing half of me in the process. I'll never be what I was. I've become broken by it.

I finally met someone in December 2007. Looking back it was such a great time, almost fairy tail like. I tried so hard to do all of the things I did wrong with my marriage. I believed that I truly made this girl happy. I don't think I've ever had a better match or been more in love with someone. It was truly magical in a sense. It changed my life and gave me hope. Unfortunately she broke it off last night because of her having too much drama in her life and she's now taking care of her dad and doesn't have time to maintain our relationship. This started happening about a month ago, and I pushed too hard for things to happen, it pushed her away.

Now I'm in this dark hole again. I'm 33, not getting any younger, balding and feel like I'm just worthless. Every girl I've truly falling in love with has left me in the end. Why am I so broken that I can't be loved, why am I so undesirable. They always tell me I'm such a great guy and it's not me, but I think they probably all say that. Just the standard line handed out in Jr. High. Then it's followed by the "I still wanna be friends". How can I be your friend when all I want to do is share your love and walk the path of life together? I can't watch you be happy with someone else. I can't look at you without longing to embrace you. And what does it do to me? It kills me, a little at a time.

The women keep taking pieces of my heart. But they leave none left for me. Pretty soon I won't have enough heart left to live. And I guess that's when the pain stops.

Anonymous said...

I'm trying to understand It all myself. Most days I feel she's dead. We dated six years. I wasn't expecting an end to our relationship and worst our friendship. Though It has become that. I've now since been In a relationship for six months. I still can't however get past my previous relationship. Though I don't want her back. It's the memories that hurt. The pain of knowing we can't even maintain a friendship. It hurts because my girlfriend has never been hurt like this and that no matter how much I try to explain I don't want to bring up my x It will and does happen. She says can't you get over her. I try to explain that It's hard to forget six years of your life and worst I come here today because I'm trying to solve If ever I'll be able to forget. Songs we listened to places we went things we did all these things remind and It's not like I've walked away from the things I enjoy. Ah I just wish It would all end so that I could move past though I am happy very happy In my new relationship. I just can't get the past off my mind.

Barion said...

My experience...

Everyone one is unique and there will always be qualities of an ex you will miss. And of those cases where love grew from friendship, those are the hardest in my opinion.

Loving someone and being in love with someone are different things. When you have been in love with someone so long, it is easily removed by being in love with someone else. Loving someone on the other hand will always linger as a missing part of your soul. On the positive side, being in love with someone does not make for a good relationship, loving someone does. They each have their role.

I didn't fully realize what loving someone is until I had my son. There is no magic, there is no nausea; there isn't any of that. It is a simple feeling probably best explained in 1 Corinthians 13:4 of the Holy Bible.

The strongest feeling in the world is when you are in love with someone at the same time as loving someone. Splitting the two up is extremely difficult if not impossible. I am betting the loving someone part lingers the longest.

Anonymous said...

It's funny, I Googled "how long does it take to get over someone" and ended up here, and I see now how many others did the same thing. My boyfriend were together on and off for about 4 years. There was a lot of pain and suffering in our relationship, mostly because of traumatic things that kept happening in his life during our relationship. Someone else might have thought that God was trying to tell me something, but because of our deep love and friendship and connection, we kept on going and trying and breaking up and getting back together. Even though all of my friends started to feel sorry for me, I would not give up on this one. Well, it's been about a month since our last, final breakup and I feel...not destroyed, but tired, and hollow, and sad.

I can tell you all that I have been through this tunnel and seen the other side, and yes, it does exist. I've been in love twice before and was devastated when both relationships ended but finally, about a year later, I was OK. Didn't yearn for the person anymore, got used to not having them as my best friend anymore.

Unfortunately, I think the trick is falling in love with someone new...that is what really helped me to finally move on in both situations.

And even though I've been through this before and I've gotten over people in my past, right now I can't imagine it ever happening.

Anonymous said...

I thought I was a total loser for googling how long does it to get over heartbreak, but it's obvious to me after reading the heart wrenching stories and thinking of my own I've come to a realization. Everyone who has googles this are more or less on there way to getting over there ex's. If he or she treated you like dirt after you broke up like my boyfriend did then they are dirt . I'll let you guy in on a secret that my mother told me about break up. Instead of moping around feeling sorry for yourself do all the things you couldn't do before because you had to think of you other half . For eg I wanted to go to Nice but my boyfriend was never pushed on the idea so the first month I booked a holiday to Nice on my own I'm nervous and I'm scared but do you know what this has kept my mind atleast partly off him and I'm an excited like a child because I've realised the more I do on my own or with by friend it's gonna be the less I will remember doing with him/her. So whoever reads this log off your computer and do something nice for your self make this the first thing of many the more things we do the easier and shorter it'll be to get over someone

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I just want my heart to finally shrivel up and die.

I was with him for almost ten years. He loved me completely, and I loved him, but he never loved me enough to sacrifice to make it work. He tends toward depression and inertia, so it really stressed him out to fly out to see me. He also would not accept a position in my city because it was a marginal professional step downward (and I coudln't get a position in his city). Etc.

He was my best friend. He still is. We talk every day. It's been over three years since we broke up. I've had another 1+ year relationship during that time. Dated many other people besides. Yet still, when I expect him to come out to visit for a week or even weekend because he has a vacation, he never fails to disappoint me and not come out.

I no longer have the right to let it hurt my feelings. To devastate me. But it does. This many years later.

And I don't really want him back--the same problems that caused me to break up with him are still true. In fact, I don't want anyone. Ever. Seriously--I want me heart to simply stop functioning that way.

I could be very happy alone. I actually like my life how it is. I don't want anyone new--I'm over that. I'm over wanting another person in my life; I'm even over wanting sex. Now I just want to be over wanting HIM. Then I can function again.

God, how long will it take??

Anonymous said...

I was the one that left him but I'm still completely heartbroken. His insecurities lead to unbelievable jealousy and an inability to let me in and after a year of begging him to stop with the jealousy and let me in I had to leave. I wanted the world with him and fought for as long as I could. It's only been 3 weeks but it's been increditably tough. He sent texts saying that he'd change, he sent emails saying he'd change, he begged me to my face to take him back, that he'd change but I had to say no. He always said he'd change and there would be a slight inprovement for a short time but then all the crap would come back. I had to do what I did for my own well being but it hurts everyday because I was so in love with him. I really am taking it one day at a time and hoping for the day when the pain isn't so intense.

JayMan said...

Hello, i am going through a similar feeling. I was only with my girlfriend for two years, but in that time i grew so close to her, seeing her every day. Part of me feels so stupid because i havent been with her for a year now and she still deeply dominates my thoughts. When ever her name gets spoken my heart sinks, i feel ashamed now to talk to my friends about it because they haven't been through the same so don't understand the pain. However, i can say in contrast to when we first broke up things are much, much better as you start to look at the positive things and because i am only 18 i tell myself that i will meet plenty of time for relationships. Although i think i will never love someone else in the same way i felt about my first love :), check out my blog http://meaningfulsongs-jayman.blogspot.com i put it together to maybe be a help to people if i could.
Many thanks for sharing your deep story G-man, not many people speak that openly, respect. hope everything goes well for you!

Anonymous said...

I came across this page when I Googled "How long does it take to get over someone".

Your words ring as true for me as they have for you; thank you for sharing them. It's always comforting to know we are not alone through heartache and suffering.

Anonymous said...

Hi I did exactly what you did Anonymous because when you go through a break up you want answers so the pain stops, tips to end this on-going sadness and yes its comforting knowing you are not the only one feeling or has felt this way. Lets hope it gets easier...

Laura said...

I also googled...

I just hope everyone who commented on this has found new love, or is at least some way further along the journey of getting over it.

We were together nearly 3 years. We have been apart 3 months. It is still killing me and I don't know that I'll ever be over it.

Anonymous said...

We were together for 6 1/2 years, and just broke up a few days ago. I feel so hopeless and empty, and keep thinking of all the memories and good times we had, and it's killing me. We basically broke up due to me wanting to have a kid someday (he doesn't want one) and the fact that I thought we should be engaged, and he still hadn't proposed after being together that long. I just don't think I'll ever find someone else that I love as much. There are so many unique things we have in common (vegetarian, don't drink, don't smoke, love cats, same taste in indie music) that I feel like I will never find those things in another person, and I want all those things. I want him back so bad, but I know it wouldn't work out. I want to have his kid, but he doesn't want that, and it's killing me. I feel like if we could get past that and agree, we could maybe fix the other problems. I just wish this wasn't so hard, every little thing is reminding me of him. My heart just aches.

Anonymous said...

I hope everything works out for all of you X I felt like ye after my break up a year ago but honestly it does get better... I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy- we broke up and found someone new in a few days that I fell head over heels for... we were only together 6 months but that was the best 6 months of my life. It was the first time I fell in love even tho I told my x I loved him everyday. I didnt know love until I met """" But then I dont know what if that was the real love because ive been proved wrong :D Heres hoping and I know you all will be more than ok xx

Henry said...

I was in a 19 month relationship that she broke off of for the reason being that the secrecy we had to maintain would lead to no future between us at all and she didn't want to keep wasting time.

It's been 9 months so far, we've maintained occasional contact here and there as friends, but I just wished that we hadn't. I felt my healing would "reset" each and every time she ever asked me for a ride or a favor. Even when I thought I stopped having fluttering feelings for her when we would associate, I found it was just proven wrong this one day.

I was so pissed off at something one day and wouldn't stop feeling pissed off until I got a text message. It was from her asking for a ride, although I was unavailable at the time, I felt the anger vanish immediately, replaced with happiness. And that's when I knew, even 6 months after the breakup, that I hadn't truly gotten over her. Subtleties like this are just too obvious. Even though I had been sleeping pretty easy nights for months, this one little detail was enough to show me that I wasn't totally over her.

Something else has happened since then that's relapsed me back REAL badly and I felt like just wanting to vent this now. I'll go into detail on that if anyone wants, but it's painful to type it out at the moment.

lilbitt539 said...

I wound up on this blog, googling the same thing you did when you wrote this. Our situation is strikingly similar and this entry has made an impression on me. I hope things are looking up.

-L

Anonymous said...

Like previous commenters, I found your post via Google. It is very well-written. Seeing as it's a few years old, I hope your heart has healed, or is approaching that point. Reading the above comments help, too. Heartbreak is such a difficult thing to go through and healing happens at different times for everyone.

My relationship lasted for just over 13 months, and it's been 17 days since the breakup. He is a wonderful man and he was the best friend and best boyfriend I've ever had. We thought we'd get married because we shared a connection like no other and we genuinely cared about/loved one another. The breakup blind-sided me because previously, he'd given no indication that he wanted out. Even though the distance and deal-breakers were issues, I still believed we could make things work. Apparently not. :(

I still love him/am in love with him, and I miss him terribly. This week and next are tough because his birthday and what would've been our anniversaries are back-to-back. Crying and lack of sleep as well as appetite have become the norm. But I'm trying to stay strong, maintain "no contact," learn from the relationship, reach out to family and friends, and immerse myself in hobbies. One day I hope my heart will heal. He was the love of my life and I'll never love another man in exactly the same way. Even if I do find someone new one day, I'll always remember him and our relationship. I hope he finds what he is looking for.

Anonymous said...

I have everyone here beat! It took me FIVE years to get over a guy I talked to on-line for three months and met only ONCE. Yes, five years!!! I think I'm more sentimental than average and I was practically in love but still, it's hard to not be able to let go for years and years.

Anonymous said...

Like so many, I came here looking for an answer that I have not found, I was with my girlfriend for almost 8 years and now that 3 weeks have gone since she left me out of the blue, I am still broken inside. I have always played the tough guy who doesn't show any emotion, but now I cry at night. That's when it's hardest, her not being there to hold, to kiss or to be thankful for. I never knew how much I had untill it was gone or how lucky I was. Maybe writing this will help as I don't know how to tell anyone how I feel. I just smile and say that I am ok but in truth, this hurts so much, I always thought that we would be together forever and had been planning to ask her to marry me but now she had gone I don't know what to do, we started going out when we were only 17 and now in my mid twenties, I have no idea how to meet someone else and although she is moving on, I feel guilty at the thought of trying to find someone new. I miss her so much.

Anonymous said...

In my last relationship I felt more love in the short time that we were together than I ever had in my whole life as a whole. I felt more accepted as I was than ever before. I felt loved, respected, admired, adored. I felt like he couldn't wait to see me again. Shortly after we met, he proposed. I said yes immediately, without a doubt. We were happy one day, the next, he bailed. I still don't know why, and so I can't move forward. He said he realized he never got healed from a past heartbreak, and therefore was afraid. I am more miserable than I have ever been after a relationship. I can survive without him. It's hard to make myself want to.

Anonymous said...

Heartbreak is the worst pain.I find it almost unbareable.
After I left my Ex-husband, he found someone new right away and that pain & crying went on and off for 6 months, but actually felt managable.
After years of being alone and not meeting anyone worthy, I met someone from the past.A highschool sweetheart.I knew I adored him right away, and fell in love.
I felt like I could be the real me, and I accepted him fully.
I felt like I had met my true love.
After only 3.5 months, I pushed for some commitment, and he bailed, saying he was confused and not ready.
I feel so much loss, I feel like Ive waited for this person all my life, and he just slipped through my hands.
Its hard for me to imagine the joy and happiness I felt, and for him to not have felt the same way.
All the hope of love, for me is gone.I finally give up on believing in love.It just doesnt exsist.How can two people be so connected, so in-tune and for it not to be real?
The pain is so physical and heartwrenching..I pray I can find anger inside somewhere so I can get out from under the heavy sadness of it all.:(

Anonymous said...

A counsellor told me that it would take around 6 months to start to heal. 8 months later and I still cry myself to sleep and feel so sad and empty..... Just going to pray- I don't really know what for- some comfort perhaps. Or at the very least to just have a day here and there where I don't feel like this. God bless all the broken hearted

Anonymous said...

my heart goes out to all of you as I too am trying to get over my breakup. It has been 5 months and I am so tired of being sad so like you I am looking for answers as to how long this will take. I guess it is different for all of us isn't it? My fear is that I am will be too scarred to let anyone in again as the thought of going through this again is very scary. I have sought professional help and one of things that was said to me is that I was not grieving the loss of the relationship (because it was not so good in the latter part) but the loss of what we had when we met and what I thought we would have , the future and the dreams. It gives me comfort to think of it this way. I also find comfort in remembering the most wonderful things of the relationship and knowing that I may find that again one day with someone else. I wish that for all of you too....

Anonymous said...

hi
I am sitting here at work feeling sad and had to go for a walk to cry. Was with him for 17 years, he left me august 2010, came back for three mths and left again for good. He went back to the woman he left me for, and he didn't stop seeing her even when he came back for three months. I cry every day still. The deep despair is gone, but the empty, blue, sad, nothing to live for feelings are still strong.

catch61 said...

Dear G-man
My story is virtually identical to yours. I met a wonderful girl and we lasted for eight months before she gave me my ring back. I've been without her for 13 months now and not a day goes by when I don't think about her, when I don't wish she was with me again, holding me, kissing me, loving me. I used to have nightmares that she was gone and I would wake up in a terror grasping on to her making sure she was still here. She would calm me down and assure me that everything was ok. Last night I had a dream that we were together again. I woke up to find out that she was gone and the room was silent, no one to tell me that everything was ok, that they loved me and was there for me. I wish everyday I could find a love as intense. I wish that everyday I wouldn't a little more hope that one day I will find it again. But each day that goes by I find myself slipping away just a little more. There is a wonderful song by Colin Hay called " I just don't think I'll ever get over you" and it speaks volumes because it's true. They say we don't grieve so much the person as we do the loss of the life we thought we would have with that person. I believe this is true but I wonder if I will be allowed to have that life again. I miss her smile, I miss her beautiful eyes and the way they looked at me. I miss the way she touched me but most of all I miss having a companion in my life. I miss it all so much and I wish it would stop but it won't. Even as I write this the tears flow. We used to say to each other that we were each others everyday and everything. We used to say "if you move, I move." but I find now that I moved so much for her and that she truly was my everything and my everyday but that she wasn't strong enough to stay with me. I don't know what's going ton happen. I'm trying to stay strong but it's hard. She lives far away now so I don't see her or talk to her. I wish there was a support group for people with a broken heart like there are for drug and alcohol addicts. I just wanted you to know that I feel the same pain. I didn't know however that other people felt the way I do. I hope for you but I hope for me too. I hope I don't lose this battle. I hope someone can take my pain away by loving me again.

Anonymous said...

14 yrs...after theone night stand that never ended.I was 33,he-22.I tried to discourage and explain why it wouldn't work. But we were hopelessly ,passionatley,desperately in love.We loved being together ,when we were together the world slowed town and felt pscedelic,there was no perception of other people.We experienced every thing together,lots of ups and a few painful downs,but we knew we had each other.I realized I had never truly been in love before.and falling in love was intoxicating, Sex was the initial attraction,but it got so intense, there definitley was an air of danger.The passion never stopped,and I was truly felt adored. After 10 yrs had passed,and life had fell into a nice groove, relocating,buying our fantasy house,growing together ineveryway.But while the groove we were in was "nice" it had also wandered into routine.Little by little there were other prioritys,expensive hobbies,and the kiss of death-taking each other for granted.This leads to resentnent, but we pulled it together,this was just a phase.... To everyone in our circle, we were "THAT" couple,we rarely had disagreenents,and certainly not full blown fights.So what happened here?A total clusterfuck of events.About a year befor end,I was carjacked at a local store parking lot as it was closing, before they drove off with the vehicle though,I was beaten nearly to death.I spent weeks in the hospital with a brain injury as well as countless body injurys. He was so wonderful with his support and love.But what he (and I) didnt realize was after the physical injurys healed..there were signifigant pscycological issues.I had panic attacks,severe dpression,PTSD,I stayed in bed for days-even weeks.I was in a hole and was beyond getting out.He started staying away fron the house alot.He still took care of everything but he was stresses out .Than as I started to get better,he fucking flipped the fuck out.He would yell and be cruel.Now he was gone all the tine.I tried everything,but his rages just escalated.I was feeling panic,fear,I didnt eat or sleep.I accidentally found a text on his cell.I confronted,and he acted offended,she was just an old friend.But he started openly talking to her.I finally denanded that he stop talking to her,and he said NO.He said he wasnt happy,I said I'd do better,I was pathetic.Than after a tense week,he walked in the kitchen while i was cooking dinner with a backpac. He said "I leaving you". Knees buckled, I cried out NOOO-I physically tried to stop hin ,but he was heading out the door,thats when I picked up a razor off his work table and slashed ny left wrist,than again and again,I felt no pain,he was in shock and bolted out the door,he called 911, I got outside too and bled profusely all over the driveway,I than proceeded to hack away at the right wrist,still no pain,just stratospheric adrenelin. anbulance showed up,then 2 city cpos,than a detective,our cul-de-sac looked like a circus of blue lights and sirens.I was taken to hosp,and guess where he went.Got in his truck and drove 1600 niles to another state. To her. I saw hin only once after that.He literally dissapeared,changed phone#,onknown address, quit job.About the original topic here as to how long it takes to get over.I thought I would die,I cried everyday and night for hours,sprayed his cologne on an old t-shirt and slept w/it.The pain was relentless.But advise to all is just let yourself grieve,crying is a release.Dont isolate yourself,and let others help,that one was hard,but it was absolutely required.After a few weeks of crying I kind of pulled it together,xanax helped,its been since August last yr,and while I still have bad days,THEY DO GET BETTER>I felt like a death had occured,and in away it had.Oh the guys that attacked are in prison. I getting used to living alone and find I like it.I attend therapy on a regular basis, and suggest it highly.The thing is I feel hopeful again,and that is good.And sites like this show that I an not alone. Thanx 4 reading,and love to all-

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