Monday, February 25, 2008

The longest goodbye

At various times, I've written posts lamenting the fact that so many people find this blog by doing searches looking for the answer to the question of how long it takes to get over someone. Frankly, I've been annoyed that this blog's Google image is that of a breakup blog. But maybe Google knows something that even I don't.

That's because here I am writing another breakup post.

Back shortly before I started this blog I had rekindled an online friendship with a woman I had met several years earlier. That relationship had suffered through a couple of prolonged separations, during which we both explored relationships in which we didn't need computers or cell phones to maintain contact.

After my failed engagement, I got back in touch with D. I felt I owed her an apology, because at one point my ex had used my online messenger account to reach out to D. The ex was extremely jealous and distrustful of my past, so she had initiated an online chat with D in and attempt to find out if I had been in touch with D since we started dating.

About a year later, after the breakup of the engagement, I realized that I had given up my friend for the sake of my relationship, but that relationship was dead and the ex was gone and I felt like I had betrayed my friend.

We started chatting again and eventually rekindled the friendship. In fact, D was a big factor in my recovery from the breakup of the failed engagement. She allowed me to talk about all the mixed emotions I was going through and gave me the benefit of her experiences with relationships. It was quite a while before felt emotionally ready to date again, but by the time I did I had realized that my feelings for D had evolved beyond friendship. And hers had too.

Unfortunately, we were still living a long distance apart.

We have had several failed attempts to get together. We seemed to be victims of bad timing. But six months ago an attempt to get together failed when D decided not to come for a visit at the last minute. For a while, it looked liked that would be the end. But we got past that, or seemed to, and talked through what happened. We talked daily and soon fell back into familiar habits. Our friendship had certainly survived, but our more intimate, romantic relationship had suffered some damage. How much we didn't know.

Meanwhile, pages on the calendar continued to turn. I lost patience and issued what D called an ultimatum. I bristled at calling it an ultimatum, but I would have to admit, that in the final analysis, that is exactly what it was. I put a time limit on us. In early January I gave us until the end of the month to set a date to meet and I have us until the end of February to meet.

That meeting was supposed to be this past weekend. And we didn't meet.

In the end, what happened and how isn't really the issue. But I made the decision to call off the meeting, knowing full well that it would put an end to a relationship that despite some extended breaks, dates back nine years.

You can only hold on to a dream so long. You can only survive on hope for so long. Eventually you need a hand to hold. To live a life together you have to be together.

I did what needed doing and we said our goodbyes as amicably as could be hoped, but I miss my friend and lover. I wish her happiness, health and most of all, I wish her love.

The End Debt Daily