Friday, April 06, 2007


I've been home from work for less than an hour and I'm already going stir crazy. I week ago I was running all over the place, seeing people, spending time with friends. There wasn't enough time for anything.

Today, I have more time than I know what to do with and I have nothing to do and nowhere to go.

It has been difficult to make friends here, a realization that has been heightened by spending several days with friends recently in another city. It was like I was a completely different person. I was outgoing, outspoken, vivacious and maybe even a little flirtatious. It wasn't just like going to a new place. It like was inhabiting a different person. I liked the person I was there and then. I'm not such a big fan of this person I've somehow become. It's as if somehow returning to my former home state was like returning to that shy, quiet, insecure person I was as a teen. It's not that I didn't have some timid times or bad days when I lived in California. But somehow swimming in a bigger pond made me a bigger fish too.

I'm looking forward to spending time with family this weekend. While it's possible to feel isolated and lonely in a crowd, sometimes it's being alone that forces you to realize how lonely alone really can be.

1 comment:

Gene said...


The job you're doing now is very important--you're helping to put food in people's mouths. That's gotta count for something.

Being alone does not necessarily mean one is lonely. (What is it with you non-gay guys? My father used to say to me, "Aren't you lonely?"
Nope. I am alone, I am not lonely.)

Boredom is easier to understand. After a couple of hours of playing spider solitaire, I finally say to myself, "Myself. Get your butt outta here and do something. So I take a walk, or I dust, or I sweep (well, ok, maybe not dust).

You play the cards you're dealt, or you re-cut the deck. New hand. End of boredom.

Now go and have a good weekend.

Agape, poops!

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