Thursday, October 25, 2007

Burning moonlight

The insomnia is back.

For several nights now I've found myself still awake well after 3 or 4 in the morning. It's been damn hard to fall asleep and even more difficult to get up when the alarm goes off in the morning.

I got comfortable on the couch this evening after work, the exhaustion taking over. Sleep came easy enough then, but it didn't last long. I got maybe a half our of rest before I was wide awake again, my mind racing like a car sitting in neutral with the engine running and the gas pedal pressed to the floor. We ain't goin' anywhere, but we are getting there in one hell of a hurry.

The insomnia is like a barometer, but instead of signalling a change in weather the sleeplessness signals the need for some sort of life change.

A few months back there were a couple of options in the works that looked like they might prompt some major life changes. But those options have new fallen through. The desire for a life changes is no less strong now, but the options to make that happen are far less clear.

How do I get our of this rut? How do a move forward? To what purpose will this next phase of my life be dedicated?

The answers are still elusive. As is sleep.

I'm going to try to see if I can get a few more hours of sleep tonight and go to bed "early." It's only a little after 1 a.m. It would be my earliest bedtime of the week if successful.

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