Long lost Valentines

This may be the most unoriginal phrase ever typed: Valentine's Day sucks when you are single.

I blame Valentine's Day, and all the hype about perfect gifts and romance for getting me thinking about past relationships. Even the Google doodle is tormenting us single folk.

Tonight I found myself thinking about old girlfriends, lost opportunities, past mistakes.

One woman in particular has been on my mind lately. While I have spend much of my dating life (when not single) in monogamous relationship -- at least the were monogamous as far as I knew -- there was one woman in my life who I think of as a lover, not a girlfriend. Perhaps that is because she was actually involved with someone else when we had our adventures. I never let myself think that a relationship was possible, even when she got to the point where she made it clear that is what she wanted with me.

So, I never intentionally put my heart into the relationship, but that is not to say I was not emotionally invested. The woman -- let's call her her Tracy -- and I shared an emotional intimacy I had never shared with a woman up to that point. We could talk about most anything. We shared fears and fantasies. We talked. Really talked.

Maybe that was because the relationship started as an online relationship. We talked on chat and on the phone long before we ever met. And for some reason, I find it much easier to confess my secrets at the keyboard rather than face-to-face.

One day, a few months ago, I got an email from Tracy out of the blue in honor of milestone. While we both moved on, long ago, it was great to hear from her. It seemed like old times. She asked a few questions in her message, and I wrote back. But there was no reply.

Blackness. A flash of bright light. Then blackness again. Only the lingering afterimage of the light remained, before fading away.

Things would not of worked with Tracy for many reasons, not least of which was that I was not ready. But I miss the friend. I miss the friendship. I miss the adventure and the daring taboo nature of it all.

I've been playing life safe for a while. Not sure I would recommend it. A crisis of confidence, perhaps. In love. In work. In play.

Valentine's Day is not for the timid of heart.

Yes, I miss Tracy. But perhaps as much as anything, I miss the me I was willing to be back then.

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't claim to be the most romantic man. I have my moments, and I can shed a tear during a sappy movie with the best of them. Hell, even a heart-wrenching TV commercial can result in water works if I'm in a vulnerable state of mind. But I am not good at grandiose romantic gestures. I made a few over the last year or so and got them eventually tossed back in my face.

But, I'm not bitter on this holiday for love and lovers. Quite the opposite. I still believe in love and all the happiness we are told it brings in silly love songs and Hollywood happy endings.

Well, there is someone I consider my Valentine this Feb. 14, and I certainly hope she feels the same way. She has been a friend and so much more for a long time now, but over the last 7 months or so, she has been my salvation. My lifeline to being willing to entrust my heart to another. We have talked online or on the phone for hours, often to the detriment of her, or my, sleep patterns. And it has been invigorating, uplifting and exciting.

I never quite know how to describe our relationship to others, because while we have known each other about 7 years now, we have never met face to face. Is she a friend? Confidante? Lover? Yes, and more, and yet not someone I've been able to take home to meet mom or who's hand I can hold. The Internet is a wonderful, and cruel, thing sometimes. We have each explored dating and romance with others during this time, but we always seem to somehow find our way back to each other. I've called her D on here. Readers of this blog (all 5 of you) probably would recognize her moniker of "Brat."

I don't know what the future hold for us, but she has been here for me through a broken, and healed, heart. Frustrations about family and job and life. Our on-again, off-again correspondence has endured, even flourished, after we both thought the end had come and gone a few times due to circumstances one or the other of us found ourselves in. She is indeed a special, wonderful person who has helped make me a better person as well.

This time we have made a pact to not let time and distance successfully conspire to keep us forever as disembodied voices through a phone or computer. And I fully intend to seal that pact with a kiss.

No, there are no flowers or Vermont Teddy Bears, or lingerie, or even KY Warming Liquid packages en route to her door. Just my thanks, my appreciation and my deepest affection this day, and for everyday of the last 7 years and for untold years to come.

Happy Valentine's Day D. You've helped me find my heart again. It was a bit battered and bruise, but essentially right where I left it -- resting comfortably in your hands.

Valentine's Day

Nothing says I love you like...

Valentine's Day is just two days away, and corporate America is going it's best to help men and women, but mostly men I think, come up with that perfect romantic gift.

Of course there are ads on TV for diamonds, but not everyone has that kind of budget. I've heard radio and seen TV commercials for Vermont Teddy Bears as a romantic gift idea "for about the price of a dozen roses." Adam Carolla (of The Man Show and Crank Yankers) is pitching the cute and cuddly critters on TV. And on radio, George Noory, host of Coast to Coast AM is hawking the bears.

Based on those two pitchmen, I'm guessing the guys who will be sending those betters to their betrothed are guys who like pull-my-finger jokes or believe they've been visited by space aliens.

There as another interesting Valentine gift pitch on late night TV for pajamas from a company called PajamaGram. They were pitching comfy or sexy pajamas delivered in a nice little hat box.

Perhaps it is no surprise that PajamaGram is a sister company of the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. The marketing pitches, for very different products, were surprisingly similar, pitching a "unique" Valentine gift idea that if you order now can still be shipped in time for Monday delivery.

But the most unique gift idea comes from a division of McNeil-PPC, or the Personal Products Company. This is indeed a gift to be shared, but could also be enjoyed alone. Yes, that's right, it's KY Warming Liquid. And if you go to the Web site, you can get a free sample in time to melt your love's heart (or genitalia) for the holiday. You can also test your Valentine dating skills with a link to a Warm Up Date.

Nothing says I love you like a personal lubricant that gets hot when applied to intimate areas.

Is it getting warm in here, or did I just over do it with the free samples?

Valentine's Day
Romance