Thursday, November 17, 2005

So far, so ... oh shut the fuck up

I've survived nearly 12 waking hours without tobacco and it's setting tough. I'm feeling jittery and impatient. I think it's about time for another piece of nicotine gum to take something off the sharp, jagged edge drilling into my, well you name it, it's tweaking.

I feel like I've just snorted coke, all jangley and hyper. My body feels like it's twitching even when I'm trying to sit perfectly still. And when I do move, I suddenly become obsessive compulsive. I can't scratch my nose just once or twice. It's like I have to scratch it for 10-15 seconds.

I thought of a million things I was going to describe about this experience on the way home, but God knows I can't remember what they were. The brain just doesn't seem to be wired right. Even trying to so something like simple addition or subtraction in my head is impossible. Periodically I can hear a ringing in my ears.

I am very happy I made it this far, but I had work to keep me distracted most of the day. It may be a long evening. I'm tempted to just crawl into bed and try to sleep for about 4-6 weeks, until the nicotine withdrawal is completely over.

OK, I have to get off of here. I can't type. I am struggling to construct a sentence at a time in my head. Maybe a little heroin would take some of the edge off.

2 comments:

Brat said...

You know, I thought we had shared pretty much everything, but maybe we should talk about this drug addiction of yours!

On a serious note, I am proud of you!

GRT said...

Good start.
:--)

The End Debt Daily paper.li