Sunday, September 11, 2005

End of the end

There is some small comfort in knowing I'm not crazy.

I got a phone call from an old friend from Palm Springs. We talked about a lot of things, including her relationship with her boyfriend. He is preparing to move in with her, and they have been talking about the possibility of getting married. I'm very happy for her and can't think of a more deserving person for some life and relationship happiness.

In the course of the conversation we got to talking about jobs. I can't remember how we got on the conversation. I mentioned that I still something look at job openings on a trade Web site. I told her I could have sworn I saw my ex's job posted on there. My friend got very quiet and said.

"That's possible."

She paused again and said: "Do you want to know?"

"I don't know, do I?"

"No, probably not."

So we moved on to other topics and talked for a while longer. But before we wrapped up the conversation, I confessed that I needed to know why the ex's job might be listed.

It seems that she is moving to a city in the Midwest to follow a man. The same man who also left California about a year ago to take a job in the Southeast. The same man who rode across the country with her on that trip.

I was a little slow last year to pick up on the fact that there may be another man involved, and a little slow to figure out the coincidences that the ex and the guy, who I didn't think really knew each other very well were suddenly going to spend several days driving across the country. But I never asked her about him. I'm not sure I wanted confirmation back then. But I knew. I just didn't seek out the proof.

So now, a year later, I have independent confirmation. Bless my friend for trying to protect me all these month. She was in a tough spot, being a mutual friend to my ex and me.

So, I guess it's good to know I wasn't just crazy or paranoid. I don't know if it makes the way things ended any better or worse.

Mostly I hope this is a sign of the end of a very long ending. All the significant first year "anniversaries" are past. The anniversary of our engagement, our wedding date that never happened, the anniversary of her sister's wedding, the date of our breakup, her birthday, the date she moved. T
here will be one less reason to worry when hurricanes threaten Florida. And one big realization that the woman I loved didn't, in the end, respect me enough to be honest with me.

On this, the anniversary of 9/11, it is my sincere desire to take a little more time looking back, remembering people and things lost, and then get on with the business of moving forward.

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