Monday, August 01, 2005

Aspiring pill pusher

Pssst. I'm looking for a new connection. I need someone to hook me up with drugs. It's not an emergency, but I'm figuring by July 2006 I'm going to need a fix.

The Oregon Senate approved a bill over the weekend that has already been approved by the House that will require prescriptions for certain over-the-counter cold and allergy medications in the latest effort to combat methamphetamine labs. Gov. Ted Kulongoski has indicated that we will sign the bill, which will ban the sale of medications containing pseudoephedrine.

And you think it's hard to get in to see a doctor now? Does that mean everyone with the sniffles or an allergy attack with be bombarding doctors' offices and emergency rooms?

Well, no, probably not. But I think it's safe to assume that there are going to be a lot of pill runs to towns like Vancouver and Walla Walla, Wash., Weiser and Couer d' Alene, Idaho, Crescent City and Tule Lake, Calif., and McDermitt and Denio, Nev.

If a cold sneaks up on me, I may have to call friends in Southern California and have them FedEx me some NyQuil.

I don't do colds without my NyQuil.

How do you fight a cold? Get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids, right? That what my mom told me. Well, I can't sleep for shit coughing and sleeping all night. NyQuil is to be worshipped when the cold bug invades.

Oregon already requires pills with pseudoephedrine to be kept behind the pharmacy counter. You know that Sudafed commercial, the one where all the people come in to talk to the pharmacist to find out what to take for a myriad of symptoms, and they are all told "Sudafed: Aisle 5"? Well, that shit don't happen here Poncho. Aisle 5 is reserved for extra condoms, or feet cream, or extra Ibuprofin. But you already have to get a pharmacist to hook you up in Oregon. And next year you may need a doctor as well. Unless, of course you sneak across the border.

Law enforcement experts are saying this won't solve the meth problem, which comes as not big fucking surprise since most of the meth on the West Coast is coming from mega labs operated by Mexican gangs. So, we'll just turn ordinary allergy and cold suffers into illegal drug seekers or abusers of the medical care system, if not criminals.

Possessing Sudafed would be a Class A misdemeanor, which would make it subject to up to 1 year in jail a $2,500 fine and suspension and/or revocation of driving privileges.

Do you think insurance companies will cover your doctors visit and prescription costs so you can score a box of Claritin? No.

Jesus Christ.

It will be easier to find meth than it will be to find a box of Sudafed. There is no doubt that methamphetamine is a major problem in Oregon and all across the country. But because no one can figure out how to fix the problem in the normal, war-on-drugs, tough-on-crime, lock-'em-up-and-throw-away-the-key mode, let's just make people with colds and allergies either suffer needlessly, incur unnecessary medical expenses or do something illegal.

House Bill 2485 is headed for the governor. And I'm headed to the drug store.

I need to stock up on NyQuil before the new law kicks in. While I'm at it I'm going to start scoring Sudafed and Claritin as well. It's time to start my next career as an over-the-counter drug pusher. I may still get a shot at retiring early.


3rdtimesacharm ( 3T ) said...

You are DEAD ON G-Man! I read this in shock! Allergy sufferers number in the thousands that use sudafed containing medications. I may start stocking up here in AZ. Oregon is the first, but I doubt they will be the last. AZ doesn't have the laws backing it, but I have noticed some drug stores here have already stuck it behind the RX counter as well.
You're dead on, on the Ny-quil too! Just coming off a cold that Ny-quil got me thru the nights. And fed it to Kevin last night. Yes I gave him my cold:-(
This is nuts, in the sense that Pharmacists for the last decade have already been on the look-out and turning people in that by large quantities of the pseudephedrine containing cold medications. You need LARGE quantities of it to make the street drug meth. If that hasn't worked, how do they expect this to curb it? Our lawmakers need a good dose of common sense!
Great post G-Man!
PS. If you run out, just let me know, and I'll mail ya some Ny-Quil. That is, unless they make it illegal here. Then that shit is like gold, and it's every man for himself. ;-)

grace said...

that shit's insane. wtf...

ducklet said...

i do love me some sudafed and a shot of whiskey.

btw, thanks for all the hateful comments you left on my site. i owe you.

The G-man said...

No problem Brando. If you ever need rude comments, I'd be happy to help. :-)

The G-man said...

3T, it's always good to have a friend willing to help you break the law.

3rdtimesacharm ( 3T ) said...

LOL!!! I agree. Anytime G-Man;-)

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