Who do I kill?

My phone rang at 3:30 a.m. this morning. Since I was in bed at the time, I did what seemed perfectly natural at the time -- I freaked out.

I have 2 phones in the house, one in the front room on my desk, and one in the bedroom. I leave the ringer off on the one in the bedroom. No one ever calls me in the morning, at least not anyone I know. So I figure I don't need to hear the phone ring when telemarketers are calling. Anyone else who might call, if it's for me, I figure they'll leave a message.

The caller ID is on the phone out in the front room too. The bedroom phone is an old fashioned corded phone. I think it's important to have at least one phone that will work if the power goes out. So, the bedroom phone is sort of the emergency phone. I don't use it. I don't even answer it when I'm in the bedroom and the phone rings. I go to the other phone, which is cordless.

Anyway, the phone rings, and I spring out of bed, stumbling toward the front room. I find a light switch and manage to see the caller ID, which says "out of area." That's no help, but it gives me pause and I don't answer the phone. I wait an agonizing few minutes before picking up the phone to see if there is a message on the voice mail, and there is.

Shit.

Maybe it's an emergency. Maybe someone is hurt. My dad is in the hospital. He just had knee replacement surgery yesterday, maybe something went wrong with him.

So, I anxiously check the voicemail, trying to remember to breath slowly before my heart races through the wall of my chest and platters against the kitchen wall.

I steady my hand and dial in the pass code. And then, after a short pause, I hear it.

Beep!

Beep!

It's a fax machine. A fucking fax machine! Calling my house. At 3:30 a.m. I can't yell at a fax machine! I can't even trace back where the fax machine is calling from, because no number shows up on the caller ID.

So I stomp back to bed (I bed my downstairs neighbor loved that). And just as I get settled into bed, the phone rings again! Just to be safe, I get up and check the caller ID again. Yep, another out of area call.

Bastards!

I go back to bed, and, realizing the damn machine must be on some automatic redial, I close my bedroom door to block out the sound of a ringing phone. And it did ring again. Two more times.

Why do people even use fax machines anymore? In 1989 it was pretty remarkable technology. Today, they are just, well, annoying. Junk mail via telephone. Even at work, where we do use faxes, we probably only use about 10-20 percent of the material that comes in. And I just love the people who send us 4 or 5 copies of things to 4 or 5 different people, all using the same fax number.

Idiots.

It's time to start a campaign to make fax machines that dial non-fax numbers illegal. A felony. Punishable by death!

Think that's too harsh?

Rant
Life
Technology